The Hero’s Journey, to the extraordinary

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In our ordinary everyday life, it’s easy to feel ensnared in a repetitive cycle: wake up, go to McDonalds, work, sleep, and repeat. This routine, while comforting, (most of the time) can sometimes leave us yearning for something more—a deeper sense of purpose, adventure, or fulfillment. This longing mirrors the essence of the Hero’s Journey, a concept made available by Joseph Campbell in his seminal work, The Hero with a Thousand Faces. Campbell identified a universal pattern in myths and stories across cultures, illustrating how individuals transition from their ordinary world into an extraordinary realm, undergo transformation, and return with newfound wisdom. And if you ever wondered if you could be a hero, you can!

The Ordinary World: A Place of Comfort and Familiarity

Go with me here, imagine you’re in the “Ordinary World” and this is the hero’s starting point—a realm of comfort, routine, and predictability. It’s where all of us feel the safest, surrounded by familiar faces and environments. For many, this world is characterized by daily responsibilities, your familiar expectations, and a sense of normalcy. However, beneath this surface, there can lie a subtle dissatisfaction or a yearning for something more meaningful.

Consider the story of Luke Skywalker from Star Wars that helped me dream of realms beyond what I could see. Before his adventure begins, Luke is a farm boy on the desert planet of Tatooine, leading a monotonous life. His days are filled with mundane tasks, and he dreams of a life beyond the stars. This dissatisfaction with the ordinary world propels him toward the extraordinary.

The Call to Adventure: A Catalyst for Change

In every hero’s journey, there comes a moment—a “Call to Adventure”—that disrupts the status quo. This call can manifest in various forms: an unexpected event, a challenge, or an inner desire for change. It’s the universe’s way of nudging the hero out of their comfort zone and into the unknown, and you must admit there is a call.

For Luke, the call comes when he discovers a message hidden in a droid, leading him to the wise Obi-Wan Kenobi, my favorite character.  This encounter sets him on a path that will forever alter his destiny. Similarly, in our lives, the call might appear as a new opportunity, a sudden realization, or a compelling desire to pursue a passion we’ve long ignored

Crossing the Threshold: Embracing the Unknown

Answering the call requires great courage, folks. The “Crossing of the Threshold” is the hero’s commitment to leave the ordinary world and everything he or she knows behind and venture into the unknown. It’s a leap of faith, embracing uncertainty and the potential for growth.

Luke’s decision to leave Tatooine and join Obi-Wan is a classic example. He steps into a galaxy filled with unknowns, ready to face whatever challenges lie ahead. In our example crossing the threshold might involve changing careers, moving to a new city, or pursuing a long-held dream.

The Extraordinary World: A Realm of Transformation

Once the threshold is crossed, the hero enters the “Extraordinary World.” This is a realm where the usual rules don’t apply, filled with challenges, allies, and enemies. It’s a place of growth, danger, learning, and transformation.

In the extraordinary world, the hero faces trials that test their resolve, skills, and character. They encounter mentors who provide guidance and allies who offer support. These experiences shape the hero, preparing them for the ultimate challenge.

The Return: Bringing Back the Elixir

After overcoming trials and achieving their goal, the hero returns to the ordinary world, transformed and enlightened. They bring back the “elixir”—wisdom, knowledge, or a gift—that benefits their community.

Luke returns to the Rebel Alliance, armed with the knowledge and skills to confront the Empire. Similarly, in our lives, the return signifies applying the lessons learned from our adventures to improve ourselves and those around us.

Applying the Hero’s Journey to Our Lives

The Hero’s Journey isn’t just a narrative structure for stories; it’s a framework for personal growth and transformation. It encourages us to step out of our comfort zones, face challenges, and emerge stronger and wiser.

Action Steps to Embark on Your Own Hero’s Journey

  1. Identify Your Call to Adventure: Reflect on areas in your life where you feel unfulfilled or stagnant. What opportunities or desires are calling you to make a change? This could be a new career path, a creative endeavor, or a personal goal you’ve set aside.
  2. Take the First Step: Embrace the unknown by taking a concrete action toward your goal. This might involve enrolling in a course, reaching out to a mentor, or dedicating time to your passion. Remember, the journey begins with a single step, and each step brings you closer to your transformation.

By recognizing the stages of the Hero’s Journey within our own lives, we can navigate our personal quests with purpose and resilience. Embracing this journey allows us to transcend the ordinary, confront challenges, and return with wisdom that enriches our lives and the lives of those around us.

A story. When I started Varment Guard in 1983 with Mike and after getting agreement from my wife, we set out on a journey of discovery, we did NOT know anything, nothing about what we were about to do.  But what we did have was our motto, “failure is not an option.”There were many things that happened that could have derailed us if we did not have courage, mentors, each other and a will to make something happen. And in the end, we did bring back the elixir: a large company, many employees and a great reputation.

In the end, the Hero’s Journey is a testament to the human spirit’s capacity for growth, transformation, and the pursuit of a meaningful life. And here is the funny thing, when you finish this journey, another will come along if you’re listening. What are you hearing? Is there a call on your life?

Eddy Hopping: Navigating Life’s Rapids

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It occurs to me that life is complicated. Yeah Jim, we know that, and as a start to the new year and where we set those pesky new year’s resolutions, it made sense to do a series on resting in the face of life’s rapids.

As I stood at the edge of the river, the roar of the rapids ahead filled me with a mix of excitement and apprehension. I was going to go down the New River and hit those class 4 and 5 rapids with purpose. The guide’s voice cut through the noise and my reflection, explaining the technique of “eddy hopping”—a method where paddlers skillfully navigate from one calm eddy to another, using these brief pauses to assess, plan, and gather strength before tackling the next rapid. This technique, I realized, mirrored the challenges and strategies in my own life. And there were and are a lot of them.

The Metaphor of Eddy Hopping

In whitewater paddling, an eddy is a calm area of water formed behind obstacles like rocks or bends in the river. Paddlers use eddy hopping to navigate through challenging rapids by moving from one eddy to the next, allowing for brief moments of respite and reflection. This approach can be applied to personal development in several ways:

  1. Strategic Pauses: Just as paddlers pause in eddies to assess their path, we can take moments in our lives to reflect, gather strength, and make thoughtful decisions.
  2. Continuous Learning: Each “hop” from one challenge to the next is an opportunity to learn, adapt, and grow.
  3. Purposeful Progression: By moving intentionally from one goal to another, we maintain direction and momentum in our personal and professional lives.

Applying Eddy Hopping to Personal Development

Reflecting on my own journey, I recognized several areas where the principles of eddy hopping could be applied:

  1. Set Clear Goals: I began by defining what each “eddy” represented in my life—be it a project, relationship, or personal milestone. This clarity provided a roadmap for my journey.
  2. I needed to embrace the Journey: Understanding that each step, or “hop,” was part of a larger process helped me celebrate small victories and learn from setbacks. I realized that the journey itself was as important as the destination. I can share with you now that when I saw the first class 5 rapids my heart skipped a beat — they are very scary.
  3. Maintain Balance: Just as paddlers must balance their boat to navigate eddy lines, I recognized the importance of balancing my efforts to avoid burnout and ensure sustainable progress. This meant setting realistic expectations and taking time for self-care. We were in a raft and that meant working together.
  4. Seek Support: In paddling, teamwork is crucial. Similarly, I understood the value of surrounding myself with supportive individuals who could provide guidance, encouragement, and shared wisdom. Building a network of mentors and peers became a priority.

Overcoming Personal Challenges

Applying the concept of eddy hopping to my life was not without its challenges. There were moments when the rapids seemed overwhelming, and the next eddy appeared distant. During these times, I reminded myself of the importance of strategic pauses. Taking a moment to breathe, reflect, and reassess my path allowed me to approach challenges with renewed clarity and purpose. And if you remember from other blogs, Centering prayer (or Meditation) is an important part of my routine each morning as I eddy hop from day to day.

Continuous learning became a cornerstone of my journey. Each setback was something I tried to view as an opportunity to adapt and grow. I embraced the idea that mistakes were not failures but steppingstones toward improvement. This mindset shift transformed my approach to challenges, making them less daunting and more manageable. And one of the ways I did it was to remember that while other people’s opinions were important to me, they were not going to help me if they were negative.

Intentional progression required me to set clear, achievable goals and move towards them with intention. I learned to break down larger objectives into smaller, actionable steps, making the journey less overwhelming and more structured. This approach provided a sense of direction as I checked off each success.

Maintaining balance was perhaps the most challenging part. In the pursuit of goals, it was easy to become consumed by work and responsibilities. However, I recognized the importance of self-care and the need to recharge. Just as a paddler must rest to navigate the river effectively, I understood that taking time for myself was essential for sustained progress.

Seeking support was transformative. I reached out to mentors, friends, and colleagues who offered diverse perspectives and encouragement. Their insights and experiences provided valuable guidance, reminding me that I was not alone in my journey.

The Role of Resilience

Resilience played a pivotal role in my application of eddy hopping principles. Life, much like the river, is unpredictable and filled with obstacles. Embracing the concept of eddy hopping taught me to navigate these challenges with purpose and resilience. Each eddy provided a moment to regroup, reflect, and prepare for the next rapid, reinforcing the idea that setbacks are temporary and part of the journey.

Putting it all together

Eddy hopping in whitewater rafting is more than a technique; it’s a philosophy of navigating challenges with purpose, precision, and resilience. By adopting this approach, I learned to steer through life’s rapids, making deliberate choices that led me toward my desired destination. The journey, with its ebbs and flows, became a testament to the power of strategic pauses, continuous learning, purposeful progression, and the support of a community. As I continue to navigate the river of life, I carry with me the lessons learned from each eddy, each rapid, and each moment of reflection, knowing that with each hop, I am moving closer to the person I aspire and want to be.

The Myth of the Perfect relationship

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I look at Facebook occasionally and I saw an article reposted by our friend Alice and written by a woman named Diana Nelson on the December the 26th.  I have taken the liberty of expanding her message to include not just family members but everyone in our lives that we may feel a desire to treat as Diana has said so eloquently. This just may be one of the more profound posts I have seen.

In our human journey today, a pervasive belief is emerging: if a relationship causes discomfort, it is abusive; if someone disappoints you, they are toxic; and if your parents fail to meet your emotional needs perfectly, you are justified in cutting them out of your life entirely. This notion is not only false but also destructive. Human relationships, within families, school, work, and even church are inherently complex and imperfect. Conflict is not evidence of abuse; it is evidence of relationship. That bears repeating! CONFLICT is not evidence of abuse: it is evidence of relationship.

The Fantasy of the Mind-Reading Person

Many people today carry an unspoken expectation that the other people in their lives should instinctively know the right thing to say, at the right moment, with the right emotional tone, forever. This is not emotional intelligence folks; it is fantasy. People who are not therapists or circus mind readers are individuals who are navigating their own challenges. Demanding perfection from them—and then severing ties when they fall short—is not empowerment; it is relational absolutism.

The Confusion Between Discomfort and Abuse

True abuse exists, it does, and those of us that are caregivers know how devastating it can be. However, that does not always make disagreement, criticism, awkwardness, unsolicited advice, generational differences, and emotional clumsiness abuse. They are the normal friction of human closeness. Mistaking discomfort for danger leads to a collapse in tolerance for relational discomfort, undermining the resilience that families, schools, work and even churches need to thrive.

In today’s human journey, there seems to be a noticeable shift in how we handle relationships, often leading to misunderstandings and missed opportunities for growth. Many individuals now avoid conflict altogether, fearing it will harm their relationships. This avoidance can result in unresolved issues, suppressed emotions, and a lack of emotional intimacy. Instead of addressing discomfort, it’s often mistaken for danger, leading to withdrawal rather than open communication. Additionally, there’s a trend of using therapeutic language without fully understanding its depth, which can dilute its effectiveness and set you up for failure. (healthline.com) To be clear, with all my training, we are told repeatedly that we are not therapists and when real abuse is present to refer out to a person that can deal with it in the right way.

Where has this cultural overcorrection come from and can we see the significant consequences? By avoiding conflict, individuals miss the chance to develop emotional literacy and conflict resolution skills. Josh Freedman of the 6 Seconds the Emotional Intelligence Network, often liked to say, “Healthy relationships require the ability to navigate disagreements constructively, not to evade them”.

When discomfort is equated with danger, and boundaries are confused with withdrawal, relationships can become shallow and unfulfilling. It’s essential to recognize that conflict, when managed properly, can strengthen bonds and lead to personal and relational growth. (healthline.com)

This cultural shift is not a conspiracy; it is an overcorrection. And overcorrections always swing back.

As an example, when families default to cutting off members during conflicts, the repercussions extend far beyond the immediate dispute. Such separations can lead to fractured family units, with grandparents becoming estranged from their grandchildren, resulting in the loss of valuable wisdom and experiences. This breakdown often fosters increased loneliness among individuals and erodes the social trust that binds communities together. As reconciliation becomes less common, accountability diminishes, and the opportunity for personal and relational growth through conflict resolution is lost.

To give a personal example, one of my children has cut me off, out of their life. They say that I hurt them. I may have, I just don’t know what it is that I have done, so it is hard to reconcile, and the pain of separation goes on.

The rise of a “cut them off” culture signifies a profound shift in how we perceive and manage familial relationships at home and everywhere else. While setting healthy boundaries is essential, resorting to complete severance can have detrimental effects on both individuals and society. It’s crucial to recognize that conflict, when addressed constructively, can strengthen bonds and lead to personal growth. By fostering open communication and understanding, relationships can navigate disagreements without resorting to permanent estrangement, thereby preserving the integrity and resilience of all familial connections.

Most tragically, people lose the opportunity to grow through relationships rather than flee from them. A society cannot survive if every disagreement is treated as grounds for exile.

That is not to say we should ignore establishing healthy boundaries which is essential for maintaining respectful and functional relationships. Such boundaries involve clearly communicating personal needs and limits to ensure mutual respect and understanding. For example, expressing a need for respectful communication, setting topics that are off-limits, or requesting personal space are all indicative of healthy boundaries. These actions help define acceptable behaviors and protect individual well-being within the relationship.

Conversely, unhealthy boundaries can manifest as extreme reactions that sever connections rather than regulate them. Statements like “You are dead to me,” “You’ll never see your grandchildren again,” or labeling someone as “toxic” for causing discomfort are not boundary-setting; they are forms of relational annihilation. Such responses can lead to emotional harm and the breakdown of relationships. It’s crucial to distinguish between setting healthy boundaries and resorting to punitive measures that harm the relational fabric.

The Quiet Truth No One Wants to Admit

Most relationships are not abusive; they are imperfect. Most people are not narcissists; they are human. Most conflicts are not trauma; they are communication failures. And most estrangements, if examined honestly, contain pain on both sides—not villains and victims.

Civilizations that endure are grounded in principles such as forgiveness, endurance, humility, and intergenerational connection. These values foster strong familial bonds and societal cohesion. However, when these foundational elements are supplanted by hyper-individualism, emotional absolutism, and moral superiority, the fabric of society begins to unravel. Hyper-individualism, which emphasizes personal autonomy and self-interest, can erode community bonds and collective responsibility, leading to social fragmentation and isolation.

This shift towards individualism often results in weakened people structures, as traditional support systems diminish and individuals prioritize personal goals over communal well-being. The decline in familial support networks contributes to increased loneliness and a diminished sense of belonging. As people fail to provide the necessary support and connection for each other, societies at large are affected, leading to a breakdown in social trust and a decline in overall societal resilience. Therefore, the erosion of these core values within families and outside can precipitate broader societal challenges, underscoring the critical importance of nurturing these principles to maintain a cohesive and enduring civilization.

Lastly, love is not the absence of conflict. Love is the decision to stay present when conflict arises. Growth does not come from perfect conditions. It comes from learning how to live with imperfect people—including our parents, our children, our friends, our co-workers and ourselves. If we forget that, we don’t become healthier; we become alone.

Three Areas of Help

  1. Developing Healthy Boundaries

Establishing clear and respectful boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy people relationships. Boundaries help protect personal space and emotional well-being, allowing individuals to express their needs and expectations without fear of judgment or retaliation. For instance, setting limits on personal time or defining acceptable behaviors can prevent misunderstandings and reduce conflicts. Open communication about these boundaries fosters mutual respect and understanding among people.

  1. Enhancing Conflict Resolution Skills

Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, but how it is managed determines the health of the relationship. Developing effective conflict resolution skills involves active listening, empathy, and the ability to find common ground. Approaching disagreements with a problem-solving mindset rather than a confrontational one can lead to constructive outcomes. Seeking professional guidance, such as therapy, coaching or spiritual direction can provide tools and strategies to navigate conflicts healthily.

  1. Building People Resilience

Resilience is the ability to adapt and thrive in the face of adversity. People can build resilience by fostering strong emotional connections, maintaining open lines of communication, and supporting each other through challenges. Engaging in shared activities, expressing appreciation, and creating a supportive environment contribute to a people’s overall resilience. Resilient people are better equipped to handle stressors and maintain cohesion during difficult times.

Thank you for reading and I wonder if you have thoughts you would like to share in comments.

Also, there are many other blog posts at spiritofeq.com/blog.

 

Bowen, M. (1978). Family therapy in clinical practice. Jason Aronson.

Boss, P. (2006). Loss, trauma, and resilience: Therapeutic work with ambiguous loss. W. W. Norton & Company.

Haidt, J. (2012). The righteous mind: Why good people are divided by politics and religion. Pantheon Books.

What happens When Intellectual Answers Fall Short

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With all that is happening in today’s world, leaders frequently encounter situations where traditional intellectual processes fail to provide clear answers. In these moments, the ability to draw upon emotional and spiritual intelligence becomes paramount. These areas of spiritual and emotional intelligence are not always thought about in a society that values the cognitive process. I thought I would use this blog post to explore four key strategies that leaders can employ to navigate uncertainty effectively, while fostering resilience and innovation within their teams coming into the new year

  1. Embrace Deep Reflection and Strategic Thinking

When faced with ambiguity, leaders should first engage in deep reflection instead of reaction. This involves stepping back from the immediate pressures of decision-making to consider the broader context and implications of the situation. Leaders can ask themselves critical questions: What are the underlying values guiding my decisions? How do I want to lead my team through this uncertainty? What are my values and how they align with the company’s mission? When I co-owned Varment Guard I must admit with some chagrin that I was highly reactive in the beginning of the company. I would get angry at the drop of a hat if things were not going well and I did not notice the damage I was doing to my partners and employees. Just because I was CEO did not mean I could abuse people with anger.

Strategic thinking in this context means not just analyzing data but also considering the emotional and spiritual dimensions of the challenge. Leaders can benefit from practices such as journaling, meditation, or quiet contemplation, which allow them to process their thoughts and feelings. By doing so, they can gain clarity on their values and priorities, which will guide their actions moving forward.

Actionable Tip:

Setting aside regular time for reflection is a vital practice for personal and professional growth, particularly in leadership roles. You will never be able to process emotional thoughts and feelings when you are under pressure. By engaging in activities such as journaling or meditation which provides a structured opportunity to delve into your thoughts and feelings regarding current challenges you may be facing. This dedicated time allows you to step back from the hustle and bustle of daily responsibilities, creating a space where you can thoughtfully analyze your experiences and reactions. By exploring your emotions and thought processes, you gain a deeper understanding of your leadership approach, identifying areas of strength and opportunities for improvement. This reflective practice not only enhances self-awareness but also fosters resilience, enabling you to navigate challenges with greater clarity and confidence. Ultimately, making reflection a regular part of your routine can lead to more informed decision-making and a more authentic leadership style. And for me, Jim, I started centering prayer 30 plus years ago to find my center.

  1. Foster a Culture of Empathy and Open Dialogue

A leader with high emotional intelligence recognizes the importance of empathy in times of uncertainty. When intellectual answers are lacking, fostering a culture of open dialogue becomes essential. Leaders should encourage team members to share their thoughts, feelings, and concerns, creating a safe space for discussion.

By actively listening to their team, leaders can gain diverse perspectives that may lead to innovative solutions. This collaborative approach not only enhances problem-solving but also strengthens team cohesion. When team members feel heard and valued, they are more likely to contribute creatively and remain engaged, even in challenging circumstances. And again, I missed the boat with this valuable thought by taking the view “people would think I was weak if I did not have a tough exterior” how wrong I was.

Actionable Tip:

To foster a collaborative and supportive work environment, it is essential to implement regular check-ins or team meetings that prioritize open dialogue among team members. These meetings should be structured to encourage everyone to share their thoughts, feelings, and insights regarding ongoing projects and any challenges they may be facing. By creating a safe space for discussion, team members will feel more comfortable voicing their opinions and concerns, which can lead to innovative solutions and improved team dynamics. And here is the thing, you will not agree with everything suggested, it’s OK, try some of the suggestions you may be surprised. Additionally, actively soliciting input from all participants ensures that everyone has a voice in the conversation, promoting inclusivity and a sense of belonging within the team. This practice not only enhances communication but also strengthens relationships, ultimately contributing to a more engaged and productive workforce.

  1. Prioritize Adaptability and Resilience

In uncertain times, adaptability and resilience are crucial traits for effective leadership. Leaders must be willing to pivot their strategies and approaches as new information emerges. This requires a mindset that embraces change rather than fearing it.

Resilience involves not only bouncing back from setbacks but also learning from them. Leaders can model resilience by sharing their own experiences of overcoming challenges, demonstrating that failure is often a steppingstone to success. By cultivating a resilient mindset within their teams, leaders can inspire confidence and encourage a proactive approach to problem-solving. In 2008 when the housing bubble burst, we lost 50% of our residential accounts in 3 months. I knew that the company was watching to see if I put on the life vest. To be honest I was scared to death of even the next day, but I dove in and with one day at a time thinking we survived after two years of hard work by everyone and became stronger because of it.

Actionable Tip:

Encouraging a growth mindset within your team is essential for fostering a culture of continuous improvement and resilience, and it begins with an emotional connection to both successes and failures. Celebrating achievements, no matter how small, not only boosts morale but also instills a sense of pride and belonging among team members. When individuals feel recognized for their hard work, it reinforces their commitment and motivates them to strive for excellence. On the other hand, acknowledging setbacks with empathy and understanding transforms failures into valuable learning experiences. By framing these moments as opportunities for growth, you create a safe space where team members can reflect on their challenges without fear of judgment. This emotional support encourages them to embrace risks and explore new ideas, knowing that their contributions are valued. When team members feel emotionally secure and supported, they are more likely to engage creatively and push the boundaries of what is possible. Ultimately, fostering a growth mindset leads to a more connected, adaptive, and high-performing team, where every member feels empowered to learn and innovate together. Did you know that Mike Gerber in his book the E-myth says that leaders only make 60% right decisions? And must learn from the mistakes.

  1. Tune into the Emotional Landscape of the Team

Understanding the emotional landscape of the team is vital for effective leadership, especially when intellectual answers are elusive. Leaders should be attuned to the feelings and dynamics within their team, recognizing that emotions can significantly impact performance and morale.

By checking in with team members and observing non-verbal cues, leaders can gauge the emotional climate and address any concerns proactively. This might involve providing support, resources, or simply a listening ear. When leaders demonstrate empathy and understanding, they create a sense of psychological safety that empowers team members to take risks and explore new ideas.

This is important because we humans only get 7% of our communication with each other by the spoken word.

Actionable Tip:

In any fast-paced environment, it is essential to cultivate a culture that values not only productivity but also the emotional and spiritual well-being of each team member. By making it a habit to regularly check in with colleagues on both personal and professional levels, we create a space where individuals feel seen and heard. Asking open-ended questions about their well-being and how they are navigating current challenges fosters a sense of connection and support. We must do this because we do not know what someone else is feeling. And this practice reinforces the idea that emotional health is not just a personal journey but a collective responsibility, reminding us that when we nurture our spirits and care for one another, we can build a more resilient and harmonious workplace. In this way, we honor the interconnectedness of our experiences and the profound impact that empathy and understanding can have on our shared success.

In closing,

From my personal experience, I’ve come to realize that when intellectual processes fall short, it’s often in those moments that I can truly harness my emotional and spiritual intelligence as a leader. Embracing deep reflection has allowed me to connect more authentically with teams I have led, fostering a culture of empathy that encourages open communication and understanding. I’ve learned the importance of prioritizing adaptability, recognizing that flexibility is key in navigating the unpredictable nature of our work. By tuning into the emotional landscape of a team, I find that I can lead with confidence and grace, even in the face of uncertainty. This holistic approach not only strengthens our collective resilience but also deepens our connections, making us more effective as a unit.

These strategies not only enhance decision-making but also inspire teams to collaborate and innovate in the face of challenges. Ultimately, effective leadership in uncertain times is about more than just finding answers; it’s about creating an environment where everyone feels empowered to contribute to the solution. By employing these approaches, leaders can transform uncertainty into an opportunity for growth and connection, paving the way for a more resilient and engaged team.

Embracing the Dark Night

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I thought I would continue the dark night concept for one more post and talk about the journey of life, where we often encounter moments that challenge our understanding of joy, meaning, and purpose. These moments can be likened to a “Dark Night,” a term that spiritual director Therese DesCamp uses to describe periods of profound struggle and introspection. She says that during these times, we may feel a loss of meaning, joy, and certainty, accompanied by doubt and self-doubt. Yet, as DesCamp poignantly illustrates, even in the depths of despair, there exists a flicker of light—a desire to take care of ourselves, to serve others and a capacity for compassion that can emerge from our darkest experiences.

This concept of the dark night is not new; it has been explored by mystics and spiritual leaders throughout history. When we are in our heads and nothing makes sense, just maybe the reason is not intellectual. It could represent a phase where an individual is grappling with their beliefs, confronting their fears, and often feel isolated from the divine or their sense of self. DesCamp acknowledges that during these times, feelings of sorrow and confusion can be overwhelming. However, she also emphasizes that the dark night is not merely a period of suffering; it is a transformative experience that can lead to deeper connections with others.

DesCamp’s reflections remind us that while we may feel lost, we are not alone in our struggles. The dark night can serve as a catalyst for growth, pushing us to look beyond ourselves and recognize the shared human experience of suffering. It is in this recognition that we can begin to cultivate compassion—not just for others, but for ourselves as well.

One of the most striking aspects of DesCamp’s experience during her dark night is her ability to find humor in life. Laughter, even in the face of adversity, can be a powerful tool for healing. It allows us to take ourselves lightly, to step back from the weight of our struggles, and to find joy in the absurdities of life. This ability to laugh, especially at ourselves, can serve as a reminder that we are all imperfect beings navigating a complex world.

That reminds me of a work trip Lynette, and I had taken to Italy, and we had parked our car for lunch in the square of a small town, with lots of people around. When we came back out from lunch there were no people in sight and our car had been broken into with everything stolen, including my passport. Lynette and I looked over the roof of the car and started laughing, because the truth is it was absurd.

Humor can act as a bridge, connecting us to others and reminding us that we share common experiences. When we laugh, we create moments of levity that can break through the heaviness of our circumstances. DesCamp’s insight encourages us to seek out these moments of joy, even when they seem elusive. By embracing laughter, we can foster resilience and maintain a sense of hope amidst the darkness.

Perhaps the most profound realization that emerges from DesCamp’s reflections is the idea that the dark night can enhance our capacity for compassion. In times of personal struggle, we often become more attuned to the suffering of others. The pain we experience can deepen our empathy, allowing us to connect with those around us on a more profound level. DesCamp notes that caring for others can sometimes be the only relief from our own suffering, highlighting the interconnectedness of our experiences.

When we work hard to shift our focus away from our own ego and towards the needs of others, we can find purpose and meaning even in the darkest of times. This shift in perspective can be transformative, as it allows us to transcend our individual struggles and engage with the world in a more meaningful way. By extending compassion to others, we not only alleviate their suffering but also create a sense of community and belonging that can be incredibly healing.

DesCamp’s journey through the dark night has led her to a profound awareness of the preciousness of all life. In moments of despair, we may lose sight of the beauty that exists around us. However, the dark night can heighten our appreciation for the simple joys and connections that make life meaningful. It reminds us that even in our darkest moments, there loves to be found.

This awareness can inspire us to cultivate gratitude for the relationships we have and the experiences we share with others. It encourages us to recognize the inherent value in every individual and to approach life with a sense of reverence. By embracing the preciousness of life, we can transform our suffering into a source of strength and resilience.

As we navigate our own dark nights, it is essential to remember that these experiences are not permanent. They are phases of our journey that can lead to greater self-awareness and connection. DesCamp’s insights remind us that even when we feel lost, we have the capacity to serve, to love, and to find joy amid sorrow.

In practical terms, how can we embrace the lessons of the dark night? I have been thinking of a few suggestions from my own times in the “Dark Night”.

Practice Self-Compassion: Acknowledge your struggles without judgment. Hard to do right? Allow yourself to feel the emotions that arise during difficult times and treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend.

Seek Connection: Reach out to others who may be experiencing their own dark nights. Share your experiences, listen to their stories, and offer support. Building a community of understanding can be incredibly healing.

Embrace Humor: Look for moments of levity in your life. (remember Italy) Find joy in the small things, and don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself. Humor can be a powerful antidote to despair.

Cultivate Gratitude: Take time each day to reflect on the things you are grateful for. This practice can help shift your focus from what is lacking to the abundance that exists in your life.

Engage in Service: Find ways to serve others, whether through volunteering, offering a listening ear, or simply being present for someone in need. Acts of kindness can create a sense of purpose and connection.

Tying all this together we can look at Therese DesCamp’s reflections on the dark night to offer a profound perspective on the human experience. While these periods of struggle can be challenging, they also provide opportunities for growth, connection, and compassion. By embracing the lessons of the dark night, we can emerge with a deeper understanding of ourselves and a greater capacity to love and serve others. I think I also need to make a point here about serving others, sometimes that means your own family, people at work, and so forth and not the stranger. In the end, it is through our shared experiences of suffering and joy that we find the light that guides us through the darkness.

Therese DesCamp, Hands Like Roots: Notes on an Entangled Contemplative Life (Santos Books, 2025), 108.

Seven Decades, A Journey of Learning and Sharing

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Today, I thought I would take a moment to talk about myself, a topic I don’t often delve into with much depth. As I sit here, fingers poised over the keyboard, I find myself reflecting on the reasons why people write blogs. Is it to share knowledge, to connect with others, or perhaps to leave a small mark on the world? Truthfully, I wonder if my reasons are much different from those behind the wonderfully written blogs that populate the vast expanse of the internet. So here it is, a glimpse into my journey and the motivations that drive me to write.

In my seven decades of life, I’ve learned a few things. Most of these lessons have come from the mistakes I’ve made—those missteps I vowed never to repeat, only to find myself stumbling over them once more. It’s a humbling experience, realizing that despite our best intentions, we are all fallible. Yet, it’s through these very mistakes that I’ve grown, each one a steppingstone on the path of self-discovery.

This quest for understanding led me to seek out numerous trainings, each one a beacon of hope in my search for answers. I became a spiritual director and companion, a Master Certified Coach (MCC), a Narrative Enneagram teacher, and an emotional intelligence coach with Six Seconds, among other roles. Each title represents a chapter in my journey, a testament to my insatiable curiosity and desire to understand the human experience.

At the end of the day, what truly matters to me is working with other people. But let me be clear—it’s not because I believe I have all the answers. Far from it. Rather, I hope that, for some, I can be a light that illuminates their path, even if just a little. It’s a privilege to walk alongside others as they navigate their own journeys, offering support and guidance where I can.

The purpose of this blog, then, is to explore the issues that affect our society, to write about the things that impact us as a community. My hope is to offer insights, hope, or simply information that might resonate with someone out there. In a world that often feels fragmented and disconnected, perhaps these words can serve as a small bridge, connecting us through our shared experiences and understanding.

As I reflect on my life, I am reminded of the importance of community. We are, after all, social creatures, wired for connection. It’s in our interactions with others that we find meaning and purpose. Whether it’s a conversation with a friend, a shared moment with a stranger, or the simple act of listening, these connections end up being the threads that weave the fabric of our lives.

In my work as a spiritual director and coach, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing the resilience and strength of the human spirit. I’ve seen people overcome incredible odds, find healing in the face of deep wounds, and discover joy in the most unexpected places. These experiences have taught me that, no matter how dark the night, (dark night of the soul) there is always a glimmer of hope on the horizon.

One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned is the power of vulnerability. It’s in our willingness to be open and honest, to share our struggles and fears, that we find true connection. It’s a lesson I’ve had to learn time and again, as I navigate my own vulnerabilities and insecurities. But each time I choose to be vulnerable, I am reminded of the strength that lies in authenticity.

As I write this, I am filled with gratitude for the journey that has brought me here. It’s been a winding road, full of unexpected twists and turns, but each step has been a valuable part of my story. And while I may not have all the answers, I am committed to continuing this journey of learning and growth, both for myself and for those I have the privilege of working with.

I want to thank you for taking the time to read these words. Whether you’re a fellow seeker on this journey of life, or simply someone looking for a moment of connection, I hope you’ve found something here that resonates with you. As we navigate the complexities of our world, may we continue to seek understanding, to offer kindness, and to hold onto hope. After all, it’s in these small acts that we find the true essence of what it means to be human.

And since you joined me on this reflective journey today. I wonder If these words have resonated with you, and if so, I invite you to become part of this ongoing conversation. Share your thoughts, experiences, or questions in the comments below. Let’s build a community where we can learn from each other, support one another, and shine a light on the paths we walk together. If you know someone who might find value in these reflections, please share this blog with them. Together, we can create a ripple of connection and understanding in our world. Subscribe to stay updated on future posts, www.spiritofeq.com/blog and let’s continue this journey of growth and discovery side by side.

When will the least go first?

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If I can be really, painfully honest for a minute, I’ve always been the type of person who believes in being first. As an “8” on the Enneagram with a 1:1 subtype, I have a personality that can be described as “large or go home.” This trait has shaped my life in many ways, often pushing me to the front of the line—whether it was for food, concert tickets, or training sessions. I was the one who would elbow my way through the crowd, determined to secure my spot at the front. But as I reflect on my past, I realize that this behavior was not just a quirk of my personality; it reflected something deeper within me.

Let me take you back to a summer concert years ago to see the MC5 out of Detroit. The excitement was in the air as fans gathered outside the venue, eagerly awaiting the gates to open. I had been looking forward to this concert for months, and I was determined to be at the front of the line. As I arrived, I noticed a group of people who had been waiting for hours, some even camping out overnight. But that didn’t matter to me. I pushed my way to the front, ignoring the annoyed glances from those who had been patiently waiting. I felt a rush as I secured my spot, but as the concert began, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. I knew in my heart that I had messed up.

As the music played and the crowd jammed, I looked around and saw the faces of those who had been waiting just as long, if not longer, than I had. I realized that my need to be first had come at the expense of others’ experiences. I had prioritized my own desire for front-row access over the feelings of those around me. It was a moment of clarity that left me feeling embarrassed and ashamed. Why did I feel the need to be first? Where did this belief come from?

This question rolled around in my mind long after the concert ended. I began to reflect on my life and the patterns that had emerged. Growing up, I was often praised for my assertiveness and determination. I was the one who took charge in group projects, the one who volunteered to lead discussions, and the one who always seemed to be at the forefront of any situation. But as I delved deeper, I realized that this drive to be first was rooted in a fear of being overlooked, discounted or left behind. It was as if I had internalized the belief that my worth was tied to my ability to be at the front of the line.

I decided that I needed to begin a  quest of self-discovery, I started on a mission to find out more, I needed to understand why I acted this way, so I sought out stories from others who had experienced similar feelings. I spoke with a friend who had once been a competitive athlete. She recounted the pressure she felt to always be the best, to always be first. “I remember a race where I pushed myself so hard that I didn’t even notice the girl who fell behind me,” she shared. “I crossed the finish line, but I felt hollow. I had won, but at what cost?” Her story resonated with me, highlighting the emptiness that can accompany a relentless pursuit of being first. And yes, I know, being an athlete means being the best, first and fastest. But does that entitle us to perform like an athlete off the field in everyday life at the expense of others?

Another friend shared her experience of being a manager in a corporate setting. “I used to think that being the first to speak up in meetings made me a leader,” she said. “But I realized that it often stifled others’ voices. I was so focused on being heard that I didn’t create space for my team to contribute.” Her journey of learning to step back and allow others to shine was a powerful reminder that leadership is not about being at the front but about uplifting those around us.

As I continued to explore these stories, it dawned on me that the need to be first is often a reflection of our insecurities. It’s easy to equate being first with success, but true fulfillment comes from connection and empathy. (refer to Jim Collins book “Good to Great” and what makes a level 5 leader) It made sense after deep reflection to practice being more mindful in situations where I felt the urge to rush to the front. I began to ask myself, “What would it look like to let someone else go first?”

One day, I found myself in line at a coffee shop, and I noticed a young mother with a toddler in tow. The child was fidgeting and clearly restless, and I felt the familiar urge to push ahead. But instead of acting on that impulse, I took a deep breath and let the mother and child go ahead of me. As they moved forward, I saw the relief on her face, and in that moment, I felt a sense of understanding that I had never experienced when I was at the front. It was a small act, but it shifted my perspective. I realized that being at the front of the line didn’t define my worth; it was the kindness I showed to others that truly mattered.

This journey of self-discovery has taught me that there is beauty in allowing others to take the lead. It’s about recognizing that everyone has their own story, their own struggles, and their own desires. When we prioritize being first, we risk missing out on the richness of human connection. I’ve learned that sometimes, the least among us deserve to be at the front of the line, not just because they’ve waited the longest, but because they have something valuable to share.

As I continue to navigate this path, I remind myself that it’s okay to step back and let others shine. I’ve found that true fulfillment comes from lifting others up rather than pushing them down. The next time I find myself in a situation where I feel the urge to be first, I’ll pause and ask myself, “How can I create space for someone else?”

In a world that often celebrates the loudest voices and the fastest runners, let’s not forget the importance of compassion and empathy. Let’s strive to be the kind of people who recognize that sometimes, and not always, the least among us deserve to be at the front of the line. After all, it’s not about being first; it’s about being present, being kind, and being human.