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Awaken to Your Story: Attuning to Your Narrative

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Do you feel that inner voice calling you to awaken to your own story? Perhaps it whispers to you amidst the chaos of daily life, urging you to sift through the messiness of your experiences. In a world saturated with stories—some uplifting, others disheartening—how do we navigate our own narrative? How do we transform the tales we tell ourselves into something more empowering?

In this blog, I would like to explore the concept of ATTUNING to what is true for you, drawing on some of the transformative work of Michael White and David Epston in Narrative Therapy. We will delve into the importance of critical thinking, critical feeling, and critical spiritual reflection, and how these practices can help us change the narratives we live by.

Every day, there is a call to awaken, (yes it is true) and since we are bombarded with stories—news headlines, social media posts, and of course the narratives of those around us, we may miss the call. These stories shape our perceptions, ideas and influence our beliefs about ourselves and the world. But amidst this cacophony of noise, do we take the time to listen to our own story?

The first step in this journey is recognizing that you have a story worth telling. It’s easy to feel lost in the noise, but your experiences, no matter how tangled or messy, are valid. They are the threads that weave the fabric of your identity.

To truly awaken to your story, you must engage in critical thinking, critical feeling, and critical spiritual reflection. This means being fearless in asking yourself the right questions about your life. Are you living in alignment with your values? Are you allowing external narratives to dictate your self-worth? Do you go along with the flow of information because it is much easier than “thinking”?

For instance, consider a person who has faced significant challenges in their career or life. They may feel defined by their failures, believing that they are not capable of success. However, through critical reflection, they can begin to identify moments of resilience and growth. Perhaps they overcame a difficult project or received positive feedback from a colleague. These “unique outcomes” can serve as powerful reminders that their narrative is not solely defined by setbacks. In fact the pain of a setback might just be like shedding skin that is to small for this next part of your like.

Ahhh now comes a part I love, attuning to your own story involves listening closely to your experiences and emotions. It requires a willingness to explore the depths of your inner narrative, even the uncomfortable parts. This is where the work of Michael White and David Epston becomes particularly relevant. Their approach emphasizes the importance of attuned listening and the exploration of life stories to identify unique outcomes that contradict problem-saturated narratives

Here is an example to put it in to context, imagine a woman named Sarah who has always struggled with feelings of inadequacy. She often compares herself to others, believing she falls short in her personal and professional life. This narrative has become so ingrained that it affects her relationships and self-esteem. Through the process of attuning to her story, Sarah begins to reflect on her experiences. She recalls a time when she successfully led a team project, receiving praise for her leadership skills. By focusing on this unique outcome for her, Sarah can start to re-author her narrative. Instead of seeing herself as inadequate, she begins to recognize her strengths and capabilities.

This reframing holds immense value. It empowers Sarah to approach future challenges with a renewed sense of confidence, allowing her to break free from the constraints of her previous narrative.

There is value in identifying unique outcomes that is a cornerstone of Narrative Therapy. These moments serve as evidence that contradicts the dominant, problem-saturated narratives we often tell ourselves. By focusing on these positive experiences, we can begin to shift our perspective and create a more empowering story

Please consider another example: a young man named Alex who has always felt overshadowed by his siblings. He believes he is the “black sheep” of the family, struggling to find his place. However, through attuned listening and reflection, Alex recalls a time when he pursued a passion for art, receiving recognition for his talent in a local exhibition. This unique outcome challenges his narrative of being unworthy or unaccomplished. By embracing this moment, Alex can begin to see himself as an individual with unique gifts and contributions. This shift not only enhances his self-esteem but also allows him to engage more authentically with his family and community.

Using myself as an example, I grew up with Dyslexia and ADHD together at a time when most professionals did not know what to do with this behavior. The outside noise in the names I was called, the looks I endured, and the extream loneliness was soul crushing. I truly felt that I was worth, nothing, absolutely nothing. But I had one teacher that saw something in me and suggested a cooking program that I started in 10th grade. It changed my life! I saw that I had value and started to tune out the noise that was destructive and paid attention to the noise that was helping me grow.  I eventually started the journey that took me to years of training in the social practices like spiritual direction and coaching.  It answered my questions and helped me to shine a light, illuminating that path that others might want to take.

So, here are a few of my thought in how we can change the narratives we tell ourselves? It begins with a commitment to attune to our own stories. Here are some practical steps to help you on this journey:

 

Practice Attuned Listening: Set aside time to reflect on your experiences. Write in a journal or speak to a trusted friend or therapist who can listen without judgment.

Identify Unique Outcomes: Look for moments in your life that contradict your dominant narrative. What achievements, strengths, or positive experiences can you highlight?

Re-author Your Story: Use the unique outcomes you’ve identified to reframe your narrative. Instead of focusing on limitations, emphasize your strengths and resilience.

Engage in Critical Reflection: Regularly ask yourself questions that challenge your beliefs. Are you living in alignment with your values? What stories are you allowing to define you?

Embrace the Messiness: Understand that your story may be complex and messy. Embrace the imperfections and recognize that they are part of your journey.

Awakening to your own story is a powerful and transformative process. By attuning to what is true for you, you can begin to change the narratives that shape your life. The work of Michael White and David Epston in Narrative Therapy can offer valuable insights into how we can explore our stories and identify unique outcomes that empower us.

As you embark on this journey, remember that your story is yours to tell. Embrace the messiness, engage in critical reflection, and allow yourself to re-author your narrative. The outcome may hold more value than you ever imagined, leading you to a life that is more authentic, fulfilling, and true to who you are.

So, do you feel called to awaken to your story? The journey begins with you.

Connecting Emotional Intelligence and the Enneagram

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Connecting Emotional Intelligence and the Enneagram: A Pathway to Non-Violence

In this world increasingly marked by conflict and misunderstanding, the need for effective communication and emotional understanding has never been more critical for all of us. Two of the powerful tools I have been talking about that can facilitate this understanding are Emotional Intelligence (EI) and the Enneagram. While they originate from different frameworks, their way of intersecting offers profound insights with our human behavior, enhancing self-awareness and empathy—two essential components of emotional intelligence. Today’s blog post explores how these tools complement each other in promoting non-violence, providing real-life examples and case studies to illustrate their application in resolving conflicts and fostering harmonious relationships.

 Understanding Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions while also being able to recognize, understand, and influence the emotions of others. Daniel Goleman and Josh Freedman, pioneers in the field, Daniel  identifies five key components of EI: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills, while Josh identifies  (my favorite) Know, Choose, Give. These components are crucial in navigating interpersonal relationships and resolving conflicts peacefully.

The Enneagram: A Tool for Self-Discovery

The Enneagram is a personality typing system that categorizes human behavior into nine distinct types, each with its own motivations, fears, and coping mechanisms. Understanding one’s Enneagram type can significantly enhance self-awareness, as it provides insights into our core motivations and emotional triggers. This self-awareness is the first step toward developing emotional intelligence.The Nine Enneagram Types

1. Type One: The Reformer – Principled, purposeful, and self-controlled.

2.Type Two: The Helper – Generous, people-pleasing, and possessive.

3. Type Three: The Achiever – Adaptable, driven, and image-conscious.

4. Type Four: The Individualist – Sensitive, introspective, and self-absorbed.

5. Type Five: The Investigator – Perceptive, innovative, and secretive.

6. Type Six: The Loyalist – Committed, security-oriented, and anxious.

7. Type Seven: The Enthusiast – Spontaneous, versatile, and scattered.

8. Type Eight: The Challenger – Self-confident, decisive, and confrontational.

9. Type Nine: The Peacemaker- Receptive, reassuring, and complacent.

The Intersection of EI and the Enneagram

Enhancing Self-Awareness

Understanding one’s Enneagram type can significantly enhance self-awareness, a foundational element of emotional intelligence. For instance, a Type One (Reformer) may recognize their tendency toward perfectionism and how it can lead to frustration and conflict with others. By acknowledging this trait, they can work on self-regulation, learning to manage their expectations and communicate more effectively with those around them.

Fostering Empathy

Empathy, another critical component of emotional intelligence, can also be deepened through the lens of the Enneagram. For example, a Type Two (Helper) may struggle with setting boundaries, often leading to feelings of resentment. By understanding their type, they can better empathize with others’ needs and learn to communicate their own more effectively. This understanding fosters healthier relationships and reduces the likelihood of conflict.

Case Studies: Real-Life Applications

 Case Study 1: Workplace Conflict Resolution

In a corporate setting, a team comprised of various Enneagram types faced significant conflict due to differing communication styles. A Type Eight (Challenger) was often perceived as aggressive, while a Type Nine (Peacemaker) felt overwhelmed and silenced. By facilitating a workshop on the Enneagram and emotional intelligence, team members gained insights into each other’s motivations and fears. The Type Eight learned to temper their assertiveness with empathy, while the Type Nine found their voice, leading to improved collaboration and a more harmonious work environment.

Case Study 2: Family Dynamics

In a family struggling with communication, a Type Four (Individualist) often felt misunderstood, leading to emotional outbursts. By exploring the Enneagram together, family members learned to appreciate the Type Four’s depth of feeling and creativity. The Type Four, in turn, gained insights into their emotional triggers and learned to express their needs more clearly. This mutual understanding fostered empathy and reduced conflict, promoting a more peaceful family dynamic.

 Encouraging Non-Violent Interactions

The insights gained from understanding one’s Enneagram type can inform emotional responses and interactions with others. For instance, a Type Six (Loyalist) may recognize their tendency to become anxious in uncertain situations. By acknowledging this, they can practice self-regulation techniques, such as deep breathing or seeking support from others, rather than reacting defensively. This awareness not only helps them manage their emotions but also promotes non-violent communication with those around them.

Practical Steps for our readers

1. Identify Your Enneagram Type: Take an Enneagram assessment to understand your core motivations and emotional triggers.

2. Reflect on Your Emotions: Consider how your type influences your emotional responses in various situations.

3. Practice Empathy: Engage in active listening and try to understand the perspectives of others, especially those with different Enneagram types.

4. Communicate Openly: Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs without placing blame on others.

5. Seek Feedback: Encourage open dialogue with friends, family, or colleagues about how your behavior affects them.

Conclusion

The integration of Emotional Intelligence and the Enneagram offers a powerful framework for promoting non-violence in our interactions. By enhancing self-awareness and empathy, individuals can navigate conflicts more effectively and foster harmonious relationships. As we deepen our understanding of ourselves and others through these tools, we pave the way for a more compassionate and peaceful world. Embracing the insights gained from the Enneagram can lead to transformative changes in how we respond to our emotions and interact with those around us, reinforcing the vital connection between self-understanding and non-violent behavior and my goal is to continue to give you thoughts and ideas to help on the journey of intergration.

Peace and every good to you.