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The story of Jenny

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In the heart of a small community nestled between two major highways, there lived a people group bound by a rich tapestry of traditions. These traditions, passed down through generations, were the lifeblood of the community, shaping its identity and guiding its people. Among these people there lived a young woman named Jenny, whose journey too understanding and transformation of her inherited traditions would become a beacon of hope and change.

Jenny grew up listening to her grandmother’s stories, tales woven with the threads of history, culture, and wisdom. Her grandmother, Amma, was the community’s unofficial historian, a keeper of the past who believed deeply in the power of tradition. “Traditions are our treasures,” Amma would say, her eyes twinkling with the light of countless memories. “They carry the wisdom of our ancestors and the values that define us.”

As a child, Jenny embraced these traditions with the innocence and enthusiasm of youth. She participated in the annual community festival, danced in the city street celebrations, and learned the songs that echoed the struggles of her community. These activities were more than just fun; they were a way of life, a connection to something greater than herself.

However, as Jenny grew older, which often happens, she began to see the world through a different lens. She noticed the subtle ways in which some traditions, once life-giving, had become burdensome. The rigid roles assigned to women as an example, the exclusion of certain community members, and the resistance to change were aspects that troubled her. Jenny soon found herself at a crossroads, questioning the very fabric of the way she was raised and what it meant.

One evening, as the sun dipped below the horizon, painting the sky in hues of orange and pink, Jenny sat with Amma on the porch of their modest home. The air was filled with the scent of the flowers at the edge of the porch, and the distant sound of traffic signaling  the end of another long day. Jenny turned to her grandmother, her voice tinged with uncertainty thinking about the question she had on her mind.

“Amma, do you ever wonder if our traditions need to change?” she asked, her eyes searching for understanding and even meaning.

Amma paused, her gaze fixed on the horizon. “Change is a part of life, my dear,” she replied softly. “Even the strongest trees must bend with the wind. But change must come with wisdom and love, not with anger or haste.”

Jenny pondered her grandmother’s words, realizing that the path to change was not one of rebellion, but of thoughtful transformation. She understood that traditions, like the very community itself, were living entities, capable of growth and adaptation. The challenge lay in discerning which aspects to preserve and which to evolve.

This time of introspection cause a fire to start in her that wanted  to make a difference, so Jenny started on a journey of exploration and dialogue. She began by engaging with the elders of the community, listening to their stories and perspectives. She sought to understand the roots of each tradition, the values they embodied, and the reasons they had endured. Through these conversations, Jenny discovered that many people in the community shared her concerns but feared the loss of identity that change might bring.

To start these discussions, Jenny had to learn and then employ several tools that would help her navigate the complexities of tradition and change. One of the most effective tools was the “circle of dialogue“. She organized gatherings where community members could sit in a circle, fostering an atmosphere of equality and openness. In this setting, everyone had the opportunity to speak and be heard, creating a safe space for sharing thoughts and feelings.

Another tool Jenny found invaluable was the “storytelling method“. By inviting villagers to share their personal experiences related to traditions, she helped them connect emotionally to the issues at hand. This method not only illuminated the diverse perspectives within the community but also highlighted the common threads that bound them together. Through storytelling, Asha encouraged empathy and understanding, allowing members to see the impact of traditions on one another’s lives.

With patience and empathy, Jenny initiated community gatherings where members could openly discuss their hopes and fears. She encouraged a spirit of collaboration, inviting everyone to contribute their ideas for a more inclusive and harmonious future. Slowly, the community began to embrace the notion that traditions could evolve without losing their essence.

One of the first changes Jenny proposed was the inclusion of women in the community council, a role traditionally reserved for men. She argued that the wisdom and perspectives of women were invaluable assets that could enrich the community’s decision-making process. To support this initiative, Jenny organized “workshops” that focused on leadership skills and conflict resolution, empowering women to step into these roles with confidence. After much deliberation, the council agreed to a trial period, and the results were transformative. The inclusion of women brought fresh ideas and a renewed sense of unity, proving that change could indeed be life-giving.

Encouraged by this success, Jenny continued to advocate for other changes, such as the celebration of diversity within the community and the incorporation of sustainable practices in building small cottage businesses. She introduced the concept of the “community center”, where members could come together to grow their businesses while sharing knowledge about sustainable practices. This initiative not only fostered collaboration but also reinforced the idea that traditions could adapt to meet contemporary challenges.

Each step was met with big challenges, but Jenny’s unwavering commitment to non-violence and dialogue paved the way for progress. She understood that resistance to change often stemmed from fear, and she approached each conversation with compassion, seeking to address concerns rather than dismiss them.

As the years passed, the community blossomed into a vibrant oasis where tradition and innovation coexisted harmoniously. The annual community festival, once a symbol of division, became a celebration of unity, with members of all backgrounds coming together to share in the bounty of the hard work they had done.

Jenny’s journey was not without its struggles, but her dedication to non-violence and her belief in the power of dialogue had transformed her community. She had shown that traditions, like the people who uphold them, are capable of growth and change. Through her efforts, Jenny had not only honored the past but had also paved the way for a brighter, more inclusive future.

In the twilight of her life, Jenny sat on the same porch where she had once questioned her grandmother. The community, now a testament to the enduring power of love and understanding, thrived around her. As the sun set on another day, Jenny knew that the journey of tradition was never truly complete. It was a living, breathing entity, forever evolving, forever growing, and forever guided by the gentle hand of non-violence.

As she reflected on her personal journey, Jenny realized that the tools she had employed—dialogue circles, storytelling, workshops, and community initiatives—were not just methods for change; they were expressions of love and respect for her heritage. They allowed her to honor the past while embracing the future, ensuring that the treasures of tradition would continue to shine brightly for generations to come. In this way, Jenny had become a guardian of her culture, a bridge between the old and the new, and a testament to the power of non-violence in the face of change.

What race meant in Detroit in the 60’s

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Growing Up in Detroit: A Personal Journey Through the 50s and 60s was a time of pain, learning and acceptence

Growing up in Detroit during the 1950s and 60s was like living in a city that was constantly on the brink of transformation. The Motor City was a place of vibrant culture and industry, I loved the singing and the diverse cultures where you could eat anything, listen to far away lands with a sparkle in your eye, dreaming. And, yet, beneath its bustling exciting surface lay deep-seated tensions that would eventually erupt in ways that would change the city forever.

Although we did not know it at the time we were living in a neighborhood on edge and our family lived just a couple of blocks from where the infamous Detroit race riot of 1967 began. My parents wanted to cross the racial barriers in a way that made sense, by moving there and learning, listening and being part of the neighborhood and as a child, I remember our neighborhood as a tapestry of diverse cultures and backgrounds. We were a community bound by shared experiences and struggles, yet divided by the invisible lines of race and opportunity.

The 50s and 60s were a time of great change in America, and Detroit was no exception. The city was a hub of the automotive industry, drawing people from all over the country in search of jobs and a better life. But as the factories thrived, so did the disparities between different communities. Economic opportunities were not equally distributed, and racial segregation was a harsh reality. Much like we have now.

The tensions rose as the civil rights movement gained momentum across the nation, the air in Detroit grew thick with a sense of urgency and unrest. I remember hearing the adults talk in hushed tones about the marches and protests happening in other parts of the country. There was a palpable sense of hope mixed with fear—hope for change, but fear of the unknown. People started to talk about the forced actions of those in charge and what the equal or greater reaction had to be.

The summer of 1967 was particularly hot, very hot, both in temperature and in temperament. The city was a powder keg, and it didn’t take much to ignite it. I was just a young person, not much more than 16, but I could feel the tension in the air. It was as if the whole city was holding its breath, waiting for something to happen. And……

And then it did. The riot began on July 23, 1967, after a police raid on an unlicensed bar in the early hours of the morning. What started as a small confrontation quickly escalated into one of the deadliest and most destructive riots in U.S. history. I remember riding back from Palmer Park after playing baseball to the sound of sirens and the smell of smoke which blanketed the sky was a strange, ominous color, and the air was filled with a sense of chaos.

Our neighborhood was caught in the crossfire. The riot you see started a couple of blocks away from our house. I saw buildings that had stood for decades reduced to ashes. Families fled their homes, clutching whatever belongings they could carry. The streets, once filled with the laughter of children playing, were now battlegrounds.

The aftermath in the days that followed, was a city only a shell of its former self. The National Guard was called in, and a Marshall law was imposed. The riot lasted five or six days, leaving more than 43 people dead, hundreds injured, and thousands of buildings destroyed. The scars it left on the city were both physical and emotional.

I was walking down the street during the five days of curfew and up ahead I saw an older black woman sitting on the curb crying bitterly and as I walked up she looked up with her swollen face damp with tears and held out her hand. I sat down next to her and said “mother, what’s going on, how can I help?” Remember that I was young, vibrant and very very white, go with me here—I, being all of 6’4″sitting next to a little woman of of color maybe 5’4″ at best. What a surreal sight we must of been sitting together in the glow of her house burning down and no way to save it and leaning our heads together in common pain.

And as a young person , it was difficult to comprehend the full scope of what had happened. I saw the anger and frustration in the eyes of the adults around me. Many spoke of outside agitators who had come to the city to stir up trouble, but there was also a deep-seated weariness—a collective exhaustion from years of inequality and injustice.

In the years that followed, Detroit struggled to rebuild. The riot had laid bare the systemic issues that had plagued the city for decades. It was a long and difficult road, but there were glimmers of hope. Community leaders emerged, determined to heal the wounds and create a more equitable future. And today if you go to Detroit which I do from time to time I see grass growing up between the cracks greeting the sun to say, “it’s time, it’s time.

For me, growing up in Detroit during this tumultuous time was a formative experience. It taught me about the power of resilience and the importance of standing up for what is right. It showed me the strength of a community that, despite its differences, could come together in times of crisis.

Looking back, I realize that those years in Detroit shaped who I am today. They instilled in me a deep appreciation for diversity and a commitment to justice. The city has changed in many ways since then, but the lessons of the past remain as relevant as ever.

Detroit is a city with a complex history, but it is also a city of hope and possibility. As we continue to confront the challenges of today, I carry with me the memories of a time when the city was tested and emerged stronger for it. The journey is far from over, but I am hopeful for what lies ahead. A note about now…I saw all of what was going on to get us to the point where it exploded, I can say with a certainty that something like that will happen here. Do we really want that to happen?

Finding Calm in Chaos

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Finding Calm in Chaos How Mindfulness Transforms Emotional Regulation

I really could imagine standing in the eye of a storm, because it has often happened to me, where everything around me was chaotic, and at times I felt out of control.  Yet with mindfulness I  remained calm and centered. This is a story about  the power of mindfulness in emotional regulation. Using myself as the subject and by integrating these simple practices into my daily life, I was able to transform how I  responded to the world around me and found a life more filled with joy and happiness.

Let’s start with the story of Sarah, a busy professional who once felt overwhelmed by her emotions and often acted impulsively without thought to the outcomes. She was juggling work deadlines, family responsibilities with her wonderful 3 kids and social commitments that left her feeling anxious and reactive. However, when she had no where else to turn she tried a simple mindfulness practice that a friend recommended to her, and everything changed almost overnight. When she went to the course put on by one of my favorite teachers, Jon Cabot Zinn, he taught her the basics of meditation, deep breathing exercises, and body awareness techniques. Sarah learned to regain control over her emotional responses. Her journey continues today with a deeper understanding of why we need tools to become free and illustrates the profound impact mindfulness can have on emotional intelligence.

When you have a regular mindfulness practice you are able to enhance emotional regulation.    Some effective mindfulness practices that can help you manage your emotions are listed here.

Meditation is a way to start and starting with just five minutes a day to center your thoughts. Find a quiet space, close your eyes, and focus on your breath. This simple practice can help clear your mind and set a positive tone for the day.

Deep Breathing helps in moments of stress, by reminding us to just breathe. Inhale slowly through your nose, hold for a few seconds, and exhale through your mouth. This technique can significantly reduce reactivity and bring a sense of calm. This type of breathing is called box breathing.

Body Awareness is how you tune into your physical sensations. Take a moment to notice how your body feels—are there areas of tension? Acknowledging these sensations can foster self-awareness and help you respond to emotions more thoughtfully.

One of my favorite things for creating a mindful environment is to picture yourself in a serene garden: each breath is a gentle breeze that calms your mind. This is the pure essence of mindfulness—a practice that brings peace amidst the world’s noise. If you want to cultivate this environment, consider incorporating elements that promote tranquility, such as plants, calming colors, or soothing sounds.

I have, like many of you, struggled with emotional reactivity. I could get mad or even jealous at the drop of a hat. It is not very attractive to others that I was close to, and frankly I lost friendships because of my non-regulation. When I had nothing else to lose and embraced mindfulness, it turned out to be a game-changer for me, helping me to navigate the hard challenges of life with grace and composure. I found that by practicing mindfulness regularly, I could respond to stressors with a clearer mind and a more balanced perspective.

I had to understand what it meant to “Engage with MY journey,” meaning what was going on inside of me. As an invitation, how do you currently manage stress? I invite you to share your experiences in the comments below. By doing this we can explore mindfulness together and support one another on this journey toward emotional regulation.

By weaving and embracing mindfulness into your daily routine, you will not only manage your emotional responses but also promote non-violent behavior. Why is this important? Because we don’t realize how often we do violence to ourselves with our responses to emotions. Start today, and experience the tranquility that mindfulness brings. Remember please, every small step counts on the path to emotional well-being.

 

Connecting Emotional Intelligence and the Enneagram

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Connecting Emotional Intelligence and the Enneagram: A Pathway to Non-Violence

In this world increasingly marked by conflict and misunderstanding, the need for effective communication and emotional understanding has never been more critical for all of us. Two of the powerful tools I have been talking about that can facilitate this understanding are Emotional Intelligence (EI) and the Enneagram. While they originate from different frameworks, their way of intersecting offers profound insights with our human behavior, enhancing self-awareness and empathy—two essential components of emotional intelligence. Today’s blog post explores how these tools complement each other in promoting non-violence, providing real-life examples and case studies to illustrate their application in resolving conflicts and fostering harmonious relationships.

 Understanding Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions while also being able to recognize, understand, and influence the emotions of others. Daniel Goleman and Josh Freedman, pioneers in the field, Daniel  identifies five key components of EI: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills, while Josh identifies  (my favorite) Know, Choose, Give. These components are crucial in navigating interpersonal relationships and resolving conflicts peacefully.

The Enneagram: A Tool for Self-Discovery

The Enneagram is a personality typing system that categorizes human behavior into nine distinct types, each with its own motivations, fears, and coping mechanisms. Understanding one’s Enneagram type can significantly enhance self-awareness, as it provides insights into our core motivations and emotional triggers. This self-awareness is the first step toward developing emotional intelligence.The Nine Enneagram Types

1. Type One: The Reformer – Principled, purposeful, and self-controlled.

2.Type Two: The Helper – Generous, people-pleasing, and possessive.

3. Type Three: The Achiever – Adaptable, driven, and image-conscious.

4. Type Four: The Individualist – Sensitive, introspective, and self-absorbed.

5. Type Five: The Investigator – Perceptive, innovative, and secretive.

6. Type Six: The Loyalist – Committed, security-oriented, and anxious.

7. Type Seven: The Enthusiast – Spontaneous, versatile, and scattered.

8. Type Eight: The Challenger – Self-confident, decisive, and confrontational.

9. Type Nine: The Peacemaker- Receptive, reassuring, and complacent.

The Intersection of EI and the Enneagram

Enhancing Self-Awareness

Understanding one’s Enneagram type can significantly enhance self-awareness, a foundational element of emotional intelligence. For instance, a Type One (Reformer) may recognize their tendency toward perfectionism and how it can lead to frustration and conflict with others. By acknowledging this trait, they can work on self-regulation, learning to manage their expectations and communicate more effectively with those around them.

Fostering Empathy

Empathy, another critical component of emotional intelligence, can also be deepened through the lens of the Enneagram. For example, a Type Two (Helper) may struggle with setting boundaries, often leading to feelings of resentment. By understanding their type, they can better empathize with others’ needs and learn to communicate their own more effectively. This understanding fosters healthier relationships and reduces the likelihood of conflict.

Case Studies: Real-Life Applications

 Case Study 1: Workplace Conflict Resolution

In a corporate setting, a team comprised of various Enneagram types faced significant conflict due to differing communication styles. A Type Eight (Challenger) was often perceived as aggressive, while a Type Nine (Peacemaker) felt overwhelmed and silenced. By facilitating a workshop on the Enneagram and emotional intelligence, team members gained insights into each other’s motivations and fears. The Type Eight learned to temper their assertiveness with empathy, while the Type Nine found their voice, leading to improved collaboration and a more harmonious work environment.

Case Study 2: Family Dynamics

In a family struggling with communication, a Type Four (Individualist) often felt misunderstood, leading to emotional outbursts. By exploring the Enneagram together, family members learned to appreciate the Type Four’s depth of feeling and creativity. The Type Four, in turn, gained insights into their emotional triggers and learned to express their needs more clearly. This mutual understanding fostered empathy and reduced conflict, promoting a more peaceful family dynamic.

 Encouraging Non-Violent Interactions

The insights gained from understanding one’s Enneagram type can inform emotional responses and interactions with others. For instance, a Type Six (Loyalist) may recognize their tendency to become anxious in uncertain situations. By acknowledging this, they can practice self-regulation techniques, such as deep breathing or seeking support from others, rather than reacting defensively. This awareness not only helps them manage their emotions but also promotes non-violent communication with those around them.

Practical Steps for our readers

1. Identify Your Enneagram Type: Take an Enneagram assessment to understand your core motivations and emotional triggers.

2. Reflect on Your Emotions: Consider how your type influences your emotional responses in various situations.

3. Practice Empathy: Engage in active listening and try to understand the perspectives of others, especially those with different Enneagram types.

4. Communicate Openly: Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs without placing blame on others.

5. Seek Feedback: Encourage open dialogue with friends, family, or colleagues about how your behavior affects them.

Conclusion

The integration of Emotional Intelligence and the Enneagram offers a powerful framework for promoting non-violence in our interactions. By enhancing self-awareness and empathy, individuals can navigate conflicts more effectively and foster harmonious relationships. As we deepen our understanding of ourselves and others through these tools, we pave the way for a more compassionate and peaceful world. Embracing the insights gained from the Enneagram can lead to transformative changes in how we respond to our emotions and interact with those around us, reinforcing the vital connection between self-understanding and non-violent behavior and my goal is to continue to give you thoughts and ideas to help on the journey of intergration.

Peace and every good to you.