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The Uncomfortable Truth of Racism: A Reflection Inspired by Mary Elizabeth Moore

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The Uncomfortable Truth of Racism: A Reflection Inspired by Mary Elizabeth Moore

In a world that often feels divided, the stories we share can serve as bridges to understanding and healing. Today, I want to introduce you to a remarkable woman I met at the Academy for Spiritual Formation in Nebraska: Mary Elizabeth Moore. A master educator, prolific writer, and speaker, Mary’s work in religious education, process theology, and practical theology is deeply rooted in a commitment to repair the world. To explore the full depth of her contributions, you can visit her [bio here](https://www.biola.edu/talbot/ce20/database/mary-elizabeth-moore).

The real reason for this blog, however, is to delve into a powerful poem that Mary wrote, titled “I Confess.” This poem is not just a reflection of her personal experiences; it is a mirror held up to society, challenging us to confront the uncomfortable truths about racism and privilege.

I Confess

Growing up with Mary shaped me

As a person far more sensitive

Then I would have otherwise been,

A child who could love and giggle,

And dash quietly to bed

When my parents came home early.

 

My world taught me

that Mary’s Blackness

was less than my whiteness

though I always knew

she was better than me.

 

The racist structures

We enacted were strengthened

By my family’s participation

I did not condemn

Those structures with anything more

Then a few probing questions

For a few minutes at a time,

Even as I prayed every night,

“God bless Mama and Daddy

And Mary and me.”

 

White supremacy

Shaped me in my very own home,

Yet I whole-heartedly loved Mary

And was powerfully shaped by her love

And by the deep Black culture

She taught me to value

As if it were my own.

 

My white-privilege perspectives

Emerged in the same childhood

That taught me to critique them,

 

slowly, oh so slowly

In my youth, but bursting

Ever more boldly as I grew

 

though I have not

And never will

Be free of its taint.

This poem resonates deeply with me, as it evokes memories of my own upbringing in Detroit, where I witnessed firsthand the destructive power of hate and judgment. The raw honesty in Mary’s words forces us to confront the uncomfortable realities of our pasts and the systems that have shaped our identities.

Mary’s poem encapsulates the struggle of recognizing privilege while grappling with the love and relationships that exist within a racially charged environment. It highlights the paradox of loving someone from a marginalized community while simultaneously benefiting from a system that devalues their existence. This duality is a painful truth that many of us must face.

As I reflect on my own experiences, I am reminded of the countless times I have seen the impact of racism on families, individuals, and communities. The scars left by systemic oppression run deep, and they are often invisible to those who do not experience them. Mary’s poem serves as a reminder that acknowledging our privilege is not enough; we must actively work to dismantle the structures that perpetuate inequality.

The Journey Toward Understanding

Mary’s journey of self-awareness and growth is a testament to the power of reflection and education. It is a reminder that the path toward understanding is often slow and filled with discomfort. As she writes, “Slowly, oh so slowly / In my youth, but bursting / Ever more boldly as I grew.” This gradual awakening is something many of us can relate to, as we navigate our own journeys of understanding and kinship.

The discomfort that arises from confronting our biases and the reality of racism is a necessary part of this journey. It is through this discomfort that we can begin to challenge our preconceived notions and work toward a more equitable society. Mary’s poem encourages us to engage in difficult conversations, to ask probing questions, and to seek out the stories of those who have been marginalized.

As we reflect on the themes presented in Mary’s poem, we must ask ourselves: What will it take to look at one another without the taint of prejudice? How can we actively participate in the repair of our world? The answers to these questions lie in our willingness to listen, learn, and engage with the experiences of others.

We must commit to educating ourselves about the history and impact of racism, both in our communities and beyond. This includes amplifying the voices of those who have been silenced and advocating for policies that promote equity and justice. It requires us to confront our own biases and to hold ourselves accountable for our actions.

Mary Elizabeth Moore’s work and her poignant poem serve as a powerful reminder of the importance of empathy, understanding, and action. To explore more of her insights and contributions, consider reading her book, which you can find here..

So Much to Love, So Much to Lose Paperback – September 18, 2023 

by Mary Elizabeth Moore (Author)

If I were to conclude here, you might think that because Mary’s poem describes a meaningful relationship with a person of color that this is my focus for this blog, it is not!  But in a world that often feels divided, we have the power to bridge the gaps through understanding and compassion. Mary’s poem, “I Confess,” challenges us to confront our own biases and to recognize the impact of racism towards all people groups in our lives. It is a call to action, urging us to engage in the difficult work of dismantling systemic oppression and fostering a more inclusive society. And folks, you do not have to agree with other people groups to get along with them. Right?

Can we move forward, carrying the lessons from Mary’s experiences and the truths revealed in her poem inside of us? Because together, we can create a world where love and understanding triumph over hate and division. By committing to being agents of change, and working tirelessly to repair the wounds of our past and build a brighter future for all ……

we can began to heal.

What race meant in Detroit in the 60’s

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Growing Up in Detroit: A Personal Journey Through the 50s and 60s was a time of pain, learning and acceptence

Growing up in Detroit during the 1950s and 60s was like living in a city that was constantly on the brink of transformation. The Motor City was a place of vibrant culture and industry, I loved the singing and the diverse cultures where you could eat anything, listen to far away lands with a sparkle in your eye, dreaming. And, yet, beneath its bustling exciting surface lay deep-seated tensions that would eventually erupt in ways that would change the city forever.

Although we did not know it at the time we were living in a neighborhood on edge and our family lived just a couple of blocks from where the infamous Detroit race riot of 1967 began. My parents wanted to cross the racial barriers in a way that made sense, by moving there and learning, listening and being part of the neighborhood and as a child, I remember our neighborhood as a tapestry of diverse cultures and backgrounds. We were a community bound by shared experiences and struggles, yet divided by the invisible lines of race and opportunity.

The 50s and 60s were a time of great change in America, and Detroit was no exception. The city was a hub of the automotive industry, drawing people from all over the country in search of jobs and a better life. But as the factories thrived, so did the disparities between different communities. Economic opportunities were not equally distributed, and racial segregation was a harsh reality. Much like we have now.

The tensions rose as the civil rights movement gained momentum across the nation, the air in Detroit grew thick with a sense of urgency and unrest. I remember hearing the adults talk in hushed tones about the marches and protests happening in other parts of the country. There was a palpable sense of hope mixed with fear—hope for change, but fear of the unknown. People started to talk about the forced actions of those in charge and what the equal or greater reaction had to be.

The summer of 1967 was particularly hot, very hot, both in temperature and in temperament. The city was a powder keg, and it didn’t take much to ignite it. I was just a young person, not much more than 16, but I could feel the tension in the air. It was as if the whole city was holding its breath, waiting for something to happen. And……

And then it did. The riot began on July 23, 1967, after a police raid on an unlicensed bar in the early hours of the morning. What started as a small confrontation quickly escalated into one of the deadliest and most destructive riots in U.S. history. I remember riding back from Palmer Park after playing baseball to the sound of sirens and the smell of smoke which blanketed the sky was a strange, ominous color, and the air was filled with a sense of chaos.

Our neighborhood was caught in the crossfire. The riot you see started a couple of blocks away from our house. I saw buildings that had stood for decades reduced to ashes. Families fled their homes, clutching whatever belongings they could carry. The streets, once filled with the laughter of children playing, were now battlegrounds.

The aftermath in the days that followed, was a city only a shell of its former self. The National Guard was called in, and a Marshall law was imposed. The riot lasted five or six days, leaving more than 43 people dead, hundreds injured, and thousands of buildings destroyed. The scars it left on the city were both physical and emotional.

I was walking down the street during the five days of curfew and up ahead I saw an older black woman sitting on the curb crying bitterly and as I walked up she looked up with her swollen face damp with tears and held out her hand. I sat down next to her and said “mother, what’s going on, how can I help?” Remember that I was young, vibrant and very very white, go with me here—I, being all of 6’4″sitting next to a little woman of of color maybe 5’4″ at best. What a surreal sight we must of been sitting together in the glow of her house burning down and no way to save it and leaning our heads together in common pain.

And as a young person , it was difficult to comprehend the full scope of what had happened. I saw the anger and frustration in the eyes of the adults around me. Many spoke of outside agitators who had come to the city to stir up trouble, but there was also a deep-seated weariness—a collective exhaustion from years of inequality and injustice.

In the years that followed, Detroit struggled to rebuild. The riot had laid bare the systemic issues that had plagued the city for decades. It was a long and difficult road, but there were glimmers of hope. Community leaders emerged, determined to heal the wounds and create a more equitable future. And today if you go to Detroit which I do from time to time I see grass growing up between the cracks greeting the sun to say, “it’s time, it’s time.

For me, growing up in Detroit during this tumultuous time was a formative experience. It taught me about the power of resilience and the importance of standing up for what is right. It showed me the strength of a community that, despite its differences, could come together in times of crisis.

Looking back, I realize that those years in Detroit shaped who I am today. They instilled in me a deep appreciation for diversity and a commitment to justice. The city has changed in many ways since then, but the lessons of the past remain as relevant as ever.

Detroit is a city with a complex history, but it is also a city of hope and possibility. As we continue to confront the challenges of today, I carry with me the memories of a time when the city was tested and emerged stronger for it. The journey is far from over, but I am hopeful for what lies ahead. A note about now…I saw all of what was going on to get us to the point where it exploded, I can say with a certainty that something like that will happen here. Do we really want that to happen?

A Few Stories….

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I wanted to share a few stories of self-discovery….

In this world we find ourselves that is bustling with activity and constant distractions, finding a moment of quiet reflection can be challenging at best. Yet, I find the journey toward self-awareness is a rewarding path that had lead to personal growth and deeper connections with others. Through the series of stories below, we can explore how these individuals have embarked on their journey, using tools like journaling, meditation, and the Enneagram to uncover their true selves.

The Journal of Emily: Unveiling Emotional Triggers

Emily always felt overwhelmed by her emotions, especially in stressful situations. She decided to start a journal, hoping to make sense of her feelings. One evening, she sat down with a cup of tea and began writing about her day. As she wrote, she noticed a pattern: her frustration often stemmed from feeling unappreciated at work.

Through her journaling, Emily discovered that her emotional triggers were linked to her need for validation. This realization was a turning point I her life. She began to explore ways to communicate her needs more effectively, both at work and in her personal life. Sharing her insights with a close friend, Emily found support and encouragement, which helped her grow more confident in expressing herself.

David’s Meditation Journey: Finding Peace Within ( I find Davids journey like my own)

David had always been skeptical about meditation. However, after hearing about its benefits, he decided to give it a try. He joined a guided meditation group, where he learned to focus on his breath and observe his thoughts without judgment.

During one session, David was guided through a body scan meditation. As he relaxed, he noticed tension in his shoulders and a knot in his stomach. The instructor encouraged him to breathe into these areas, releasing the tension with each exhale. As he did, David realized that his physical discomfort was linked to his anxiety about an upcoming presentation.

This insight was profound. By acknowledging his anxiety, David was able to address it directly, rather than letting it fester and grow. After the session, he shared his experience with the group, finding comfort in knowing that others faced similar challenges. Meditation became a regular practice for David, helping him navigate life’s stresses with greater ease.

Sarah’s Reflective Discussions: Building Connections

Sarah was part of a community group that met weekly for reflective discussions. Each session began with a simple question: “What did you learn about yourself this week?” At first, Sarah was hesitant to share, worried about being judged. But as she listened to others, she realized that everyone was on their own journey of self-discovery.

One week, Sarah shared a story about a disagreement with a friend. Through the discussion, she recognized that her reaction was rooted in a fear of abandonment. This insight allowed her to approach the situation with empathy, leading to a heartfelt conversation with her friend.

The group became a safe space for Sarah, where she could explore her emotions and learn from others. The support and understanding she found there helped her grow more confident in her relationships, both with herself and others.

Exploring the Enneagram: Tom’s Path to Understanding

Tom had always been curious about personality frameworks, so when he heard about the Enneagram, he was intrigued. He discovered that he was a Type 3, the Achiever, driven by success and validation. This revelation was both enlightening and challenging.

As Tom delved deeper into the Enneagram, he realized that his pursuit of success often overshadowed his true self. He began to question whether his achievements were aligned with his values or simply a means to gain approval. This introspection led Tom to make significant changes in his life, focusing on authenticity rather than external validation.

Tom shared his journey with his Enneagram study group, where others were exploring their own types. Through these discussions, Tom gained new perspectives and learned to appreciate the diversity of motivations and fears that drive human behavior. The Enneagram became a tool for personal growth, helping Tom build more authentic relationships.

When you start on the Ongoing Journey of Self-Discovery you will be excited….

These stories can illustrate for you the transformative power of self-awareness. Whether through journaling, meditation, reflective discussions, or the Enneagram, each individual found a path to deeper understanding and personal growth. Their journeys remind us/me that self-awareness is not a destination but a continuous process of exploration and reflection. You WILL have ups and downs.

As you embark on your own journeys,  remember the importance of community and support. By sharing your insights and learning from one another, you can create a space of understanding and compassion, fostering personal growth and deeper connections with those around us. And together, we can navigate the complexities of this life with greater self-awareness and emotional intelligence.

 

Connecting Emotional Intelligence and the Enneagram

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Connecting Emotional Intelligence and the Enneagram: A Pathway to Non-Violence

In this world increasingly marked by conflict and misunderstanding, the need for effective communication and emotional understanding has never been more critical for all of us. Two of the powerful tools I have been talking about that can facilitate this understanding are Emotional Intelligence (EI) and the Enneagram. While they originate from different frameworks, their way of intersecting offers profound insights with our human behavior, enhancing self-awareness and empathy—two essential components of emotional intelligence. Today’s blog post explores how these tools complement each other in promoting non-violence, providing real-life examples and case studies to illustrate their application in resolving conflicts and fostering harmonious relationships.

 Understanding Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions while also being able to recognize, understand, and influence the emotions of others. Daniel Goleman and Josh Freedman, pioneers in the field, Daniel  identifies five key components of EI: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills, while Josh identifies  (my favorite) Know, Choose, Give. These components are crucial in navigating interpersonal relationships and resolving conflicts peacefully.

The Enneagram: A Tool for Self-Discovery

The Enneagram is a personality typing system that categorizes human behavior into nine distinct types, each with its own motivations, fears, and coping mechanisms. Understanding one’s Enneagram type can significantly enhance self-awareness, as it provides insights into our core motivations and emotional triggers. This self-awareness is the first step toward developing emotional intelligence.The Nine Enneagram Types

1. Type One: The Reformer – Principled, purposeful, and self-controlled.

2.Type Two: The Helper – Generous, people-pleasing, and possessive.

3. Type Three: The Achiever – Adaptable, driven, and image-conscious.

4. Type Four: The Individualist – Sensitive, introspective, and self-absorbed.

5. Type Five: The Investigator – Perceptive, innovative, and secretive.

6. Type Six: The Loyalist – Committed, security-oriented, and anxious.

7. Type Seven: The Enthusiast – Spontaneous, versatile, and scattered.

8. Type Eight: The Challenger – Self-confident, decisive, and confrontational.

9. Type Nine: The Peacemaker- Receptive, reassuring, and complacent.

The Intersection of EI and the Enneagram

Enhancing Self-Awareness

Understanding one’s Enneagram type can significantly enhance self-awareness, a foundational element of emotional intelligence. For instance, a Type One (Reformer) may recognize their tendency toward perfectionism and how it can lead to frustration and conflict with others. By acknowledging this trait, they can work on self-regulation, learning to manage their expectations and communicate more effectively with those around them.

Fostering Empathy

Empathy, another critical component of emotional intelligence, can also be deepened through the lens of the Enneagram. For example, a Type Two (Helper) may struggle with setting boundaries, often leading to feelings of resentment. By understanding their type, they can better empathize with others’ needs and learn to communicate their own more effectively. This understanding fosters healthier relationships and reduces the likelihood of conflict.

Case Studies: Real-Life Applications

 Case Study 1: Workplace Conflict Resolution

In a corporate setting, a team comprised of various Enneagram types faced significant conflict due to differing communication styles. A Type Eight (Challenger) was often perceived as aggressive, while a Type Nine (Peacemaker) felt overwhelmed and silenced. By facilitating a workshop on the Enneagram and emotional intelligence, team members gained insights into each other’s motivations and fears. The Type Eight learned to temper their assertiveness with empathy, while the Type Nine found their voice, leading to improved collaboration and a more harmonious work environment.

Case Study 2: Family Dynamics

In a family struggling with communication, a Type Four (Individualist) often felt misunderstood, leading to emotional outbursts. By exploring the Enneagram together, family members learned to appreciate the Type Four’s depth of feeling and creativity. The Type Four, in turn, gained insights into their emotional triggers and learned to express their needs more clearly. This mutual understanding fostered empathy and reduced conflict, promoting a more peaceful family dynamic.

 Encouraging Non-Violent Interactions

The insights gained from understanding one’s Enneagram type can inform emotional responses and interactions with others. For instance, a Type Six (Loyalist) may recognize their tendency to become anxious in uncertain situations. By acknowledging this, they can practice self-regulation techniques, such as deep breathing or seeking support from others, rather than reacting defensively. This awareness not only helps them manage their emotions but also promotes non-violent communication with those around them.

Practical Steps for our readers

1. Identify Your Enneagram Type: Take an Enneagram assessment to understand your core motivations and emotional triggers.

2. Reflect on Your Emotions: Consider how your type influences your emotional responses in various situations.

3. Practice Empathy: Engage in active listening and try to understand the perspectives of others, especially those with different Enneagram types.

4. Communicate Openly: Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs without placing blame on others.

5. Seek Feedback: Encourage open dialogue with friends, family, or colleagues about how your behavior affects them.

Conclusion

The integration of Emotional Intelligence and the Enneagram offers a powerful framework for promoting non-violence in our interactions. By enhancing self-awareness and empathy, individuals can navigate conflicts more effectively and foster harmonious relationships. As we deepen our understanding of ourselves and others through these tools, we pave the way for a more compassionate and peaceful world. Embracing the insights gained from the Enneagram can lead to transformative changes in how we respond to our emotions and interact with those around us, reinforcing the vital connection between self-understanding and non-violent behavior and my goal is to continue to give you thoughts and ideas to help on the journey of intergration.

Peace and every good to you.