The art of Spiritual Direction

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I have had more than a few people ask me if I do spiritual direction (I do) and what is it if I do. So here is a blog to talk about just that.

In the quiet moments of our lives, when the noise of the world fades away, we often find ourselves yearning for a deeper connection with the Divine or the “other”. This longing is not merely a desire for spiritual growth but a profound call to explore the depths of our being and our relationship with God as we try to understand it.  For many, this journey is illuminated through the practice of spiritual direction—a sacred companionship that guides individuals toward a more intimate and authentic relationship with the Divine.

The Essence of Spiritual Direction

Spiritual direction is an ancient practice rooted in the Christian tradition, where a trained spiritual director accompanies an individual, known as the directee, on their spiritual journey. This relationship is characterized by deep listening, compassionate guidance, and a shared commitment to discerning God’s presence in everyday life. Unlike counseling or therapy, which focus on addressing specific psychological issues, spiritual direction centers on nurturing the directee’s relationship with God, fostering spiritual growth, and discerning divine guidance.

A Sacred Companionship

At the heart of spiritual direction lies the concept of companionship. The spiritual director serves as a companion who listens attentively to the directee’s experiences, joys, struggles, and questions, creating a safe and non-judgmental space for exploration. This relationship is built on trust, openness, and a shared commitment to spiritual growth. The director’s role is not to provide answers but to help the directee attune their heart and mind to the movements of the Spirit, fostering a deeper awareness of God’s presence in their life.

I started my own spiritual direction with a director 45 or 50 years ago and have had only three in that time. I can be very vulnerable and say that it has been the most enriching time of my life. Some of the time I was beat up lovingly, some of the time listened to with a deep and abiding love and other times teaching was involved.

Lynette and I now go to the same director at the same time which is not common but can work for those couples that care to grow together. Our present director has helped us greatly by gently guiding, deeply listening and holding us accountable to our choices we wanted to make. I have been seeing her for about 17 years and together we have seen her for about 11 years.

The Process of Spiritual Direction

Typically, spiritual direction involves regular meetings—often once a month—lasting about an hour. During these sessions, the directee is encouraged to reflect on their spiritual experiences, explore questions of faith, and discern God’s guidance in their life. The director may suggest practices such as prayer, meditation, or reading to support the directee’s spiritual journey. The focus is on the directee’s relationship with God within all aspects of life, helping them become more attuned to God’s presence and respond more fully to that presence.

Qualities of a Spiritual Director

In spiritual direction, a holistic approach acknowledges the interconnectedness of the spiritual life with all facets of human existence. A director assists the directee in integrating their faith into daily life, recognizing that the divine presence permeates every aspect of their being. This perspective fosters a deeper awareness that there is nowhere the divine is not, encouraging the directee to perceive and experience the sacred in all moments and activities.

Embodied presence is central to this practice, emphasizing that the body holds profound wisdom. A director encourages the directee to become attuned to their emotions, sensations, and tensions, viewing these bodily experiences as avenues for spiritual insight. By turning actions into prayer and cultivating mindfulness, the directee learns to listen to their body’s language, facilitating a deeper connection with their inner self and the divine. This approach aligns with somatic-informed spiritual care, which combines body-mind psychology with presence-based care to support healing and self-discovery. (artofspiritualcare.com)

Creating spaciousness involves establishing a sacred environment that holds all that the directee brings, allowing for deep listening and receptivity to the divine spark within. This sacred space fosters an atmosphere of acceptance and compassion, enabling the directee to explore their spiritual journey without fear of judgment. Contemplative listening is a key component of this process, where the director listens with the ears and heart of God, offering silence, reflections, and deepening questions to support the directee’s spiritual unfolding.

Trauma-informed sensitivity is crucial in spiritual direction, recognizing the impact of trauma on the body, mind, and spirit. A director grounds the direction in neuroscience and psychology to support healing and integration, being attuned to signs of dysregulation and knowing when to refer to a therapist. By integrating trauma-informed principles, the director creates a safe environment that acknowledges the directee’s experiences and promotes spiritual growth. (hadeninstitute.com)

The Journey of Transformation

Embarking on spiritual direction is a journey of transformation. It involves unlearning old patterns and embracing new ways of being. As one spiritual director notes, “The spiritual life has more to do with unlearning than it does with learning.” This process may require descending into the depths of one’s interior to ascend to new heights of holiness. Rather than achieving perfection, the journey leads to a radical breaking apart that results in wholeness. A spiritual director, having undergone their own crucible, offers a compassionate and spacious presence to hold others in their journey.

Approaching Spiritual Direction

Embarking on the journey of spiritual direction is a profound step toward deepening your relationship with the Divine. Selecting a spiritual director who aligns with your unique spiritual path is crucial for this journey. Compatibility is paramount; choose a director with whom you feel comfortable sharing your spiritual experiences and questions. This comfort fosters an environment of trust and openness, essential for meaningful spiritual growth.

Experience and training are also vital considerations. Seek a director who is experienced in the spiritual life and has received appropriate training in spiritual direction. A well-trained director can offer guidance rooted in a deep understanding of spiritual practices and traditions, ensuring that the direction you receive is both informed and effective. Additionally, openness and receptivity are key traits to look for. A director who is open to your unique spiritual path and receptive to the movements of the Spirit in your life can help you discern and respond to divine guidance more clearly.

As an example, I was first trained 30 years ago by the Dominican Sisters for 2.5 years in Columbus Ohio and then later I went through another 2-year spiritual direction training to brush up on my skills with the Haden Institute in Hendersonville NC. Along with that training, being a MCC, (master certified coach), enneagram teacher, emotional intelligence coach and other things means I can bring a wealth of knowledge to a session.

Remember, spiritual direction is a personal journey, and finding the right companion can make all the difference in deepening your relationship with the Divine. Take the time to prayerfully consider your options, perhaps meeting with a few directors to discern the best fit. As you embark on this path, trust that the Spirit will guide you to a director who will support and challenge you in your spiritual growth.

I feel very strongly that spiritual direction offers a sacred space for individuals to explore their relationship with God, seek guidance, and grow in spiritual maturity. And that area of our being is one of least informed quadrants of the 4 we have, mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. Through the compassionate companionship of a trained director, individuals can discern God’s presence in their lives, integrate their faith into daily experiences, and embark on a transformative journey toward wholeness and holiness. Whether you’re seeking intimacy with God, clarity in life decisions, or simply a deeper understanding of your spiritual path, spiritual direction provides the support and guidance needed to navigate the complexities of the spiritual journey.

Follow my other blog posts at the Spiritofeq.com/blog/

If you are interested in spiritual direction and would like to talk about it my email is jim@spiritofeq.com

Eddy hopping 3 the safest place

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Reflecting on my journey, I often liken life to a river—constantly flowing, sometimes calm, other times turbulent. This metaphor has been a guiding principle, helping me understand the twists and turns that have led me to where I am today. Just as a river encounters obstacles and changes course, our lives are filled with unexpected events and challenges that shape our path. Embracing this perspective has allowed me to navigate life’s uncertainties with resilience and adaptability.

In my personal experience, viewing life as a river has provided clarity during difficult times. It reminds me that, like water, we can find new paths when faced with obstacles. This mindset encourages me to embrace change and trust in the process, knowing that each experience contributes to my growth and understanding. By accepting the ebb and flow of life, I find peace in the journey, appreciating both the calm and the storm.

Early Life: Navigating the Rapids

Growing up in Detroit, I faced challenges that set me apart. Undiagnosed dyslexia and ADHD made me feel like an outsider, struggling to fit in. The 1960s were a tumultuous time, and my draft number was “2,” indicating military service in the Army very soon. Choosing to join the Navy was a decision that accelerated my maturation and frankly saved my life.

After my service, I married young and became a father. While my first marriage ended, it brought me a daughter whom I cherish deeply. The end of that chapter was marked by grief and reflection, but it also paved the way for personal growth.

Second Marriage: A New Chapter

My second marriage introduced me to a woman who had lots of integrity and love. Together, we had a child, a journey I recounted in my blog, “Cracked Open.” However, circumstances led us to part ways, and once again, I found myself reflecting on love, relationships, and my own identity.

Discovering the Enneagram: Understanding My Inner Self

Throughout these experiences, I grappled with understanding my behaviors and emotions. The Enneagram, a personality framework, became a tool for self-discovery. It illuminated my core motivations and fears, helping me comprehend why I acted the way I did. I realized I could be deeply loving and supportive, yet, at times, overwhelmed by anger and shame.

The Enneagram is a model of the human psyche that categorizes personalities into nine interconnected types. Each type has its own set of motivations, fears, and behaviors. By identifying my type, I gained clarity about the underlying forces shaping my experiences. This self-awareness was the first step toward personal growth and transformation.

Meeting Lynette: Finding My Eddy

Then, the river took a significant turn. I met Lynette. Initially, I didn’t think much of her or even like her, but over time, our professional collaborations blossomed into a deep friendship. We shared a mutual understanding of life’s journey, spirituality and as we both became free from previous relationships, our bond deepened. We married on a small farm, surrounded by close friends and family.

Lynette became my “Eddy”—a term I use to describe a place of rest and renewal amidst life’s rapid flow. In the context of our journey, an “Eddy” refers to a calm, peaceful area in a river where one can pause, reflect, and rejuvenate. For me, Lynette was that sanctuary, providing a space where I could find solace and peace. And I realize deeply that not everyone has a person that can be their eddy. But in the way I am writing this blog an eddy can be any place, person or thing that helps you find peace in a storm or the wild rapids.

Eddy Hopping: A Metaphor for Rest and Renewal

Over the past decade, Lynette and I have immersed ourselves in diverse spiritual trainings across the globe, profoundly enriching our lives and deepening our understanding of the world. These experiences have introduced us to various practices and philosophies, each offering unique insights and perspectives. Through this journey, we have embraced the concept of “Eddy Hopping,” a practice that involves intentionally seeking moments of rest and peace amidst the rapid flow of life’s demands. This practice has become a metaphor for finding pockets of tranquility, allowing us to pause, reflect, and rejuvenate. In this context, Lynette has become my personal Eddy—a sanctuary where I can find solace and clarity amidst the chaos.

The concept of “Eddy Hopping” serves as a reminder to intentionally seek out these moments of peace and reflection. Just as a river flows continuously, life often propels us forward without pause. However, by consciously seeking out these “Eddies,” we can find moments of respite that allow us to rejuvenate and gain clarity. This practice has been instrumental in helping us navigate the complexities of modern life, providing a space to reconnect with ourselves and our purpose. By incorporating “Eddy Hopping” into our daily routines, we have cultivated a deeper sense of balance and well-being, enabling us to face life’s challenges with greater resilience and mindfulness.

The River’s Flow: Embracing Life’s Journey

Reflecting on my life’s journey, I perceive it as a river’s flow—a continuous series of experiences that have shaped me into who I am today. This metaphor aligns with the Kawa model, a culturally responsive framework in occupational therapy that uses the river to represent human occupation and life flow. The challenges, relationships, and moments of self-discovery have been integral to my growth, each contributing to the unique path I’ve traveled. Embracing the river’s flow signifies accepting life’s unpredictability and finding ways to navigate its challenges. It involves seeking out moments of peace and reflection, whether through relationships, personal practices, or other means. By doing so, we can find balance and fulfillment amidst the chaos.

The river’s ceaseless flow symbolizes the constant passage of time and the potential for personal growth, transformation, and spiritual cleansing. Just as a river adapts to its surroundings, we too can learn to navigate life’s challenges with resilience and grace. This perspective encourages us to embrace change, trust the journey, and find strength in our ability to adapt and grow. By viewing life as a river, we can appreciate the ebb and flow of our experiences and find peace in the knowledge that each moment contributes to our ongoing journey.

Embracing the Flow

Life’s river is unpredictable, but embracing its flow, seeking moments of rest, and understanding oneself can lead to profound peace and fulfillment. My journey has been one of self-discovery, love, and growth. And friends, the journey has not always been fun, but through the metaphor of the river and the concept of Eddy Hopping, I have learned to navigate life’s challenges and find moments of peace amidst the flow.

Note: This post concludes my series on Eddy Hopping. I share these personal reflections with Lynette’s permission, hoping they resonate with others on their own journeys.

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When I first encountered the term “cracked open,” I was intrigued yet perplexed. Having immersed myself in the spiritual and coaching realms for many years, I had never come across this expression. Over time, I discovered that for many, it signifies a profound transformation—be it a deep revelation, intense pain, or an overwhelming experience of love. For a year, I felt compelled to explore this concept from the perspective of love, and now, I want to share my reflections on being “cracked open.”

The Essence of Being “Cracked Open” in Love

Being “cracked open in love” refers to the profound transformation that occurs when we allow ourselves to experience love fully. Did you catch that key word? ALLOW! Embracing both its joys and its challenges. This process often involves vulnerability, as we expose our innermost selves to another, which can lead to personal growth and deeper connections. As Jeff Foster notes, love is “pure potential and pure presence,” welcoming every feeling and impulse, whether gentle or painful. (absentofi.org)

Embracing this openness can be daunting, scary, and unpredictable, as it requires confronting our fears and uncertainties. However, by surrendering to the experience, we allow ourselves to be transformed. Rebecca Campbell suggests that through life’s trials, we can “let our wounds be alchemized,” turning pain into growth and resilience. (rebeccacampbell.me) Can you imagine, for a moment, what that would mean in your life? Allowing your wounds to be alchemized.

Ultimately, being cracked open in love leads to a more authentic and connected existence. It teaches us to embrace our imperfections and to see the beauty in our shared humanity. As we open our hearts, we not only heal ourselves but also contribute to the healing of others, fostering a more compassionate and interconnected world.

A Personal Journey: The Birth of My Daughter

I recall a pivotal moment when my youngest child was born. As an Enneagram Type 8, I was determined to be actively involved in the delivery process. Over 40 years ago, this was unconventional, but I was resolute. I underwent a crash course with the doctor, learning about childbirth procedures. Confident and prepared, I was ready to assist in bringing my daughter into the world.

However, the reality of the experience was beyond anything I had anticipated. My daughter, Juls, emerged all purple, having inhaled amniotic fluid, and was struggling to breathe. In that moment, I was overwhelmed and “cracked open.” I fell to my knees in the delivery room and whispered to a God I hadn’t spoken to often, “Please.”

I was cracked open in love in a way I had never known before.

Although I did not know it then, the question became: How do I embrace this miracle?

Embracing the Miracle

Embracing the miracle of Juls’ birth required me to confront my vulnerabilities and fears that I did not know were there. It meant surrendering to the unknown and trusting in the process of life. This experience taught me that love is not just a feeling but a transformative force that can reshape our very being.

As I held Juls for the first time, I felt a surge of love that was both exhilarating and humbling. It was a love that demanded my presence, my attention, and my openness. It was a love that cracked me open, allowing me to experience life in its fullest expression.

The Alchemy of Love

Rebecca Campbell speaks of the alchemy of life’s trials, suggesting that we can “let our wounds be alchemized,” turning pain into growth and resilience. (rebeccacampbell.me) This concept resonated deeply with me. The challenges and uncertainties I faced during Juls’ birth were not just obstacles but opportunities for transformation. Can you see times and places in your life that are opportunities for transformation now?

By embracing the pain and fear, I allowed myself to be transformed. I learned to trust in the process of life and to surrender to the unknown. This experience taught me that love is not just about joy and happiness but also about embracing the full spectrum of human emotions.

The Role of Vulnerability

Vulnerability played a crucial role in this transformation. And that is something that “8’s” do not do, ever. By exposing my innermost fears and uncertainties, I created space for love to enter. As Jeff Foster notes, love is “pure potential and pure presence,” welcoming every feeling and impulse, whether gentle or painful. (absentofi.org)

Allowing myself to be vulnerable opened me up to a deeper connection with Juls and with myself. It taught me that true love requires us to be open, to be present, and to embrace the unknown.

The Beauty of Imperfections

Through this experience of Jul’s birth, I learned to embrace my imperfections. Yes, I have them, smile. I realized that it is our flaws and vulnerabilities that make us human and connect us to others. As we open our hearts, we not only heal ourselves but also contribute to the healing of others, fostering a more compassionate and interconnected world.

Embracing our imperfections allows us to see the beauty in our shared humanity. It teaches us that we are all connected and that our experiences, both joyful and painful, are part of the tapestry of life.

A Call to Embrace Love Fully

Being cracked open in love is not just about personal transformation but also about contributing to the collective healing of humanity. It is about embracing the full spectrum of human emotions and experiences and allowing them to shape us into more compassionate and connected individuals.

As we open our hearts and allow ourselves to be cracked open, we create space for love to enter and transform us. We learn to trust in the process of life and to surrender to the unknown. We embrace our imperfections and see the beauty in our shared humanity.

In embracing love fully, we not only heal ourselves but also contribute to the healing of others, fostering a more compassionate and interconnected world. So, I invite you to reflect on your own experiences of being cracked open in love. How have these moments transformed you? How can you embrace love more fully in your life?

Remember, love is not just a feeling but a transformative force that can reshape our very being. By allowing ourselves to be “cracked open,” we open ourselves to the miracles of life and the profound connections that await us.

Eddy Hopping 2 more to consider

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I have taken the first Eddy Hopping post and expanded it for the series, so, life, much like navigating a river’s rapids, presents us with challenges that can seem overwhelming. In my journey, I found that applying the concept of “eddy hopping”—a kayaking technique—provided profound insights into overcoming personal obstacles. Read on for info with Eddy Hopping 2.

The Rapids of Life

Imagine kayaking through turbulent waters, where the current is strong, and the path ahead is unclear. The rapids represent life’s challenges, and the eddies—calm pockets of water behind obstacles—symbolize moments of respite and reflection. During these times, the next eddy may seem distant, and the journey ahead uncertain.

Strategic Pauses: Embracing the Eddies

In kayaking, eddy hopping involves moving from one eddy to another, using these pauses to rest and reassess. Similarly, in life, taking moments to breathe, reflect, and recalibrate our path allows us to approach challenges with renewed clarity and purpose. Incorporating practices like centering prayer and meditation into my routine became essential as I navigated each session.

Continuous Learning: Viewing Setbacks as Steppingstones

Every setback on the river is an opportunity to adapt and grow. Embracing the idea that mistakes are not failures but steppingstones toward improvement transformed my approach to challenges, making them less daunting and more manageable. This mindset shift was crucial in navigating both the river and life’s obstacles.

Valuing Personal Perspective: Trusting Your Inner Compass

In our journey through life, it’s natural to seek guidance from others. However, when external opinions are predominantly negative, they can cloud our judgment and steer us away from our true path. It’s essential to recognize that while feedback can be valuable, it shouldn’t dictate our decisions. Trusting our own perspective and intuition is vital in making choices that align with our authentic selves.

Self-trust acts as an internal filter, sifting through external noise and internal doubts to reveal a clearer path forward. Psychologically, self-trust is deeply intertwined with our sense of self-worth and autonomy. When we trust ourselves, we validate our own internal experience, reducing reliance on external approval and allowing us to make decisions based on intrinsic motivation rather than the pursuit of external validation. (lifestyle.sustainability-directory.com)

Just as a kayaker must trust their instincts to navigate the river, we must trust ourselves to navigate life’s challenges. In kayaking, especially in steep creeks, paddlers often face situations where they can’t see the entire path ahead. They must break down big moves into smaller, manageable steps, trusting their skills and intuition to guide them through unseen challenges. This approach mirrors life, where we may not always have a clear view of the future but can trust our abilities to handle whatever comes our way. (sundancekayak.com)

By cultivating self-trust, we empower ourselves to make decisions that resonate with our core values and beliefs. This confidence not only enhances our decision-making but also fosters resilience, enabling us to face life’s uncertainties with assurance and clarity.

Intentional Progression: Setting Clear, Achievable Goals

In kayaking, setting clear objectives and moving toward them with intention is crucial. I learned to break down larger goals into smaller, actionable steps, making the journey less overwhelming and more structured. This approach provided a sense of direction as I checked off each success, both on the river and in life.

Applying the SMART framework—Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound—has been instrumental in this process. For instance, instead of a vague goal like “improve my paddling,” I set a specific target: “Increase my paddling distance by 10% each month for the next six months.” This goal is measurable, achievable, relevant to my overall kayaking objectives, and time-bound, providing a clear timeline for assessment. (nelo.eu)

By consistently setting and achieving these SMART goals, I not only enhanced my kayaking skills but also developed a structured approach to personal growth. Each milestone achieved reinforced my confidence and motivation, demonstrating the power of intentional goal setting in both athletic pursuits and daily life.

Maintaining Balance: The Importance of Self-Care

In the pursuit of goals, it’s easy to become consumed by work and responsibilities. However, recognizing the importance of self-care and the need to recharge is essential for sustained progress. Just as a paddler must rest to navigate the river effectively, taking time for us is crucial for overall well-being.

Seeking Support: The Power of Community

Reaching out to mentors, friends, and colleagues who offer diverse perspectives and encouragement was transformative. Their insights and experiences provided valuable guidance, reminding me that I was not alone in my journey. In kayaking, having a support system can make all the difference in navigating challenging waters. The kayaking community is known for its inclusivity and support for paddlers of all backgrounds. Inclusive events, mentorship programs, and community service initiatives foster a welcoming environment where paddlers can connect, share experiences, and grow together. (skippingfishboatschool.org)

Engaging with a supportive network not only enhances technical skills but also builds confidence and resilience. Whether it’s through participating in group paddles, attending workshops, or simply sharing stories, these connections enrich the kayaking experience. As one paddler noted, having a group of friends with whom you are comfortable, and trust can help you grow personally and expand your paddling abilities. (delkayaks.co.uk) This camaraderie is essential for overcoming challenges and achieving personal milestones on the water.

Two Tips to Enhance Your Journey

  1. Embrace Mindfulness Practices: Incorporating meditation and centering prayer into your routine can enhance self-awareness and inner peace. These practices help in recognizing thought patterns and developing greater control over the mind, leading to reduced stress and anxiety. (jiyushe.com)
  2. Set Incremental Goals: Break down larger objectives into smaller, manageable steps. This approach makes the journey less overwhelming and provides a clear roadmap toward achieving your goals. Celebrating small successes along the way can boost motivation and confidence. (positivity.org)

Overcoming personal challenges is akin to navigating a river’s rapids, where strategic pauses, continuous learning, self-trust, intentional progression, self-care, and community support serve as essential tools. In kayaking, the technique of eddy hopping involves moving from one calm water area (eddy) to another, allowing paddlers to rest, plan, and reassess their route. This method mirrors the approach we can adopt in life: pausing to reflect, learning from each experience, and trusting ourselves to make informed decisions. By embracing these principles, we can traverse life’s obstacles with resilience and purpose.

Just as a kayaker relies on their skills and support system to navigate the river, we too can rely on our inner resources and community to overcome life’s challenges. Seeking support from friends, family, mentors, or professionals can provide new perspectives and guidance, much like how a kayaker might consult with fellow paddlers or instructors to improve their technique. Setting clear, achievable goals and developing a plan to reach them can help us stay focused and motivated, like how a kayaker plans their route and maneuvers through the water. Prioritizing self-care ensures we have the energy and mental clarity to tackle obstacles, just as a kayaker must maintain their physical and mental well-being to perform effectively on the water. By applying these strategies, we can navigate life’s rapids with confidence and purpose.

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The journey of overcoming personal challenges is a dynamic process that requires a combination of strategic pauses, continuous learning, self-trust, intentional progression, self-care, and community support. By adopting these principles, inspired by the concept of eddy hopping in kayaking, we can navigate life’s rapids with resilience and purpose. Just as a kayaker relies on their skills and support system to navigate the river, we too can rely on our inner resources and community to overcome life’s challenges. Embracing these strategies empowers us to face obstacles head-on, learn from each experience, and emerge stronger and more capable in our personal growth journey.

The Hero’s Journey, to the extraordinary

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In our ordinary everyday life, it’s easy to feel ensnared in a repetitive cycle: wake up, go to McDonalds, work, sleep, and repeat. This routine, while comforting, (most of the time) can sometimes leave us yearning for something more—a deeper sense of purpose, adventure, or fulfillment. This longing mirrors the essence of the Hero’s Journey, a concept made available by Joseph Campbell in his seminal work, The Hero with a Thousand Faces. Campbell identified a universal pattern in myths and stories across cultures, illustrating how individuals transition from their ordinary world into an extraordinary realm, undergo transformation, and return with newfound wisdom. And if you ever wondered if you could be a hero, you can!

The Ordinary World: A Place of Comfort and Familiarity

Go with me here, imagine you’re in the “Ordinary World” and this is the hero’s starting point—a realm of comfort, routine, and predictability. It’s where all of us feel the safest, surrounded by familiar faces and environments. For many, this world is characterized by daily responsibilities, your familiar expectations, and a sense of normalcy. However, beneath this surface, there can lie a subtle dissatisfaction or a yearning for something more meaningful.

Consider the story of Luke Skywalker from Star Wars that helped me dream of realms beyond what I could see. Before his adventure begins, Luke is a farm boy on the desert planet of Tatooine, leading a monotonous life. His days are filled with mundane tasks, and he dreams of a life beyond the stars. This dissatisfaction with the ordinary world propels him toward the extraordinary.

The Call to Adventure: A Catalyst for Change

In every hero’s journey, there comes a moment—a “Call to Adventure”—that disrupts the status quo. This call can manifest in various forms: an unexpected event, a challenge, or an inner desire for change. It’s the universe’s way of nudging the hero out of their comfort zone and into the unknown, and you must admit there is a call.

For Luke, the call comes when he discovers a message hidden in a droid, leading him to the wise Obi-Wan Kenobi, my favorite character.  This encounter sets him on a path that will forever alter his destiny. Similarly, in our lives, the call might appear as a new opportunity, a sudden realization, or a compelling desire to pursue a passion we’ve long ignored

Crossing the Threshold: Embracing the Unknown

Answering the call requires great courage, folks. The “Crossing of the Threshold” is the hero’s commitment to leave the ordinary world and everything he or she knows behind and venture into the unknown. It’s a leap of faith, embracing uncertainty and the potential for growth.

Luke’s decision to leave Tatooine and join Obi-Wan is a classic example. He steps into a galaxy filled with unknowns, ready to face whatever challenges lie ahead. In our example crossing the threshold might involve changing careers, moving to a new city, or pursuing a long-held dream.

The Extraordinary World: A Realm of Transformation

Once the threshold is crossed, the hero enters the “Extraordinary World.” This is a realm where the usual rules don’t apply, filled with challenges, allies, and enemies. It’s a place of growth, danger, learning, and transformation.

In the extraordinary world, the hero faces trials that test their resolve, skills, and character. They encounter mentors who provide guidance and allies who offer support. These experiences shape the hero, preparing them for the ultimate challenge.

The Return: Bringing Back the Elixir

After overcoming trials and achieving their goal, the hero returns to the ordinary world, transformed and enlightened. They bring back the “elixir”—wisdom, knowledge, or a gift—that benefits their community.

Luke returns to the Rebel Alliance, armed with the knowledge and skills to confront the Empire. Similarly, in our lives, the return signifies applying the lessons learned from our adventures to improve ourselves and those around us.

Applying the Hero’s Journey to Our Lives

The Hero’s Journey isn’t just a narrative structure for stories; it’s a framework for personal growth and transformation. It encourages us to step out of our comfort zones, face challenges, and emerge stronger and wiser.

Action Steps to Embark on Your Own Hero’s Journey

  1. Identify Your Call to Adventure: Reflect on areas in your life where you feel unfulfilled or stagnant. What opportunities or desires are calling you to make a change? This could be a new career path, a creative endeavor, or a personal goal you’ve set aside.
  2. Take the First Step: Embrace the unknown by taking a concrete action toward your goal. This might involve enrolling in a course, reaching out to a mentor, or dedicating time to your passion. Remember, the journey begins with a single step, and each step brings you closer to your transformation.

By recognizing the stages of the Hero’s Journey within our own lives, we can navigate our personal quests with purpose and resilience. Embracing this journey allows us to transcend the ordinary, confront challenges, and return with wisdom that enriches our lives and the lives of those around us.

A story. When I started Varment Guard in 1983 with Mike and after getting agreement from my wife, we set out on a journey of discovery, we did NOT know anything, nothing about what we were about to do.  But what we did have was our motto, “failure is not an option.”There were many things that happened that could have derailed us if we did not have courage, mentors, each other and a will to make something happen. And in the end, we did bring back the elixir: a large company, many employees and a great reputation.

In the end, the Hero’s Journey is a testament to the human spirit’s capacity for growth, transformation, and the pursuit of a meaningful life. And here is the funny thing, when you finish this journey, another will come along if you’re listening. What are you hearing? Is there a call on your life?

Eddy Hopping: Navigating Life’s Rapids

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It occurs to me that life is complicated. Yeah Jim, we know that, and as a start to the new year and where we set those pesky new year’s resolutions, it made sense to do a series on resting in the face of life’s rapids.

As I stood at the edge of the river, the roar of the rapids ahead filled me with a mix of excitement and apprehension. I was going to go down the New River and hit those class 4 and 5 rapids with purpose. The guide’s voice cut through the noise and my reflection, explaining the technique of “eddy hopping”—a method where paddlers skillfully navigate from one calm eddy to another, using these brief pauses to assess, plan, and gather strength before tackling the next rapid. This technique, I realized, mirrored the challenges and strategies in my own life. And there were and are a lot of them.

The Metaphor of Eddy Hopping

In whitewater paddling, an eddy is a calm area of water formed behind obstacles like rocks or bends in the river. Paddlers use eddy hopping to navigate through challenging rapids by moving from one eddy to the next, allowing for brief moments of respite and reflection. This approach can be applied to personal development in several ways:

  1. Strategic Pauses: Just as paddlers pause in eddies to assess their path, we can take moments in our lives to reflect, gather strength, and make thoughtful decisions.
  2. Continuous Learning: Each “hop” from one challenge to the next is an opportunity to learn, adapt, and grow.
  3. Purposeful Progression: By moving intentionally from one goal to another, we maintain direction and momentum in our personal and professional lives.

Applying Eddy Hopping to Personal Development

Reflecting on my own journey, I recognized several areas where the principles of eddy hopping could be applied:

  1. Set Clear Goals: I began by defining what each “eddy” represented in my life—be it a project, relationship, or personal milestone. This clarity provided a roadmap for my journey.
  2. I needed to embrace the Journey: Understanding that each step, or “hop,” was part of a larger process helped me celebrate small victories and learn from setbacks. I realized that the journey itself was as important as the destination. I can share with you now that when I saw the first class 5 rapids my heart skipped a beat — they are very scary.
  3. Maintain Balance: Just as paddlers must balance their boat to navigate eddy lines, I recognized the importance of balancing my efforts to avoid burnout and ensure sustainable progress. This meant setting realistic expectations and taking time for self-care. We were in a raft and that meant working together.
  4. Seek Support: In paddling, teamwork is crucial. Similarly, I understood the value of surrounding myself with supportive individuals who could provide guidance, encouragement, and shared wisdom. Building a network of mentors and peers became a priority.

Overcoming Personal Challenges

Applying the concept of eddy hopping to my life was not without its challenges. There were moments when the rapids seemed overwhelming, and the next eddy appeared distant. During these times, I reminded myself of the importance of strategic pauses. Taking a moment to breathe, reflect, and reassess my path allowed me to approach challenges with renewed clarity and purpose. And if you remember from other blogs, Centering prayer (or Meditation) is an important part of my routine each morning as I eddy hop from day to day.

Continuous learning became a cornerstone of my journey. Each setback was something I tried to view as an opportunity to adapt and grow. I embraced the idea that mistakes were not failures but steppingstones toward improvement. This mindset shift transformed my approach to challenges, making them less daunting and more manageable. And one of the ways I did it was to remember that while other people’s opinions were important to me, they were not going to help me if they were negative.

Intentional progression required me to set clear, achievable goals and move towards them with intention. I learned to break down larger objectives into smaller, actionable steps, making the journey less overwhelming and more structured. This approach provided a sense of direction as I checked off each success.

Maintaining balance was perhaps the most challenging part. In the pursuit of goals, it was easy to become consumed by work and responsibilities. However, I recognized the importance of self-care and the need to recharge. Just as a paddler must rest to navigate the river effectively, I understood that taking time for myself was essential for sustained progress.

Seeking support was transformative. I reached out to mentors, friends, and colleagues who offered diverse perspectives and encouragement. Their insights and experiences provided valuable guidance, reminding me that I was not alone in my journey.

The Role of Resilience

Resilience played a pivotal role in my application of eddy hopping principles. Life, much like the river, is unpredictable and filled with obstacles. Embracing the concept of eddy hopping taught me to navigate these challenges with purpose and resilience. Each eddy provided a moment to regroup, reflect, and prepare for the next rapid, reinforcing the idea that setbacks are temporary and part of the journey.

Putting it all together

Eddy hopping in whitewater rafting is more than a technique; it’s a philosophy of navigating challenges with purpose, precision, and resilience. By adopting this approach, I learned to steer through life’s rapids, making deliberate choices that led me toward my desired destination. The journey, with its ebbs and flows, became a testament to the power of strategic pauses, continuous learning, purposeful progression, and the support of a community. As I continue to navigate the river of life, I carry with me the lessons learned from each eddy, each rapid, and each moment of reflection, knowing that with each hop, I am moving closer to the person I aspire and want to be.

The Myth of the Perfect relationship

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I look at Facebook occasionally and I saw an article reposted by our friend Alice and written by a woman named Diana Nelson on the December the 26th.  I have taken the liberty of expanding her message to include not just family members but everyone in our lives that we may feel a desire to treat as Diana has said so eloquently. This just may be one of the more profound posts I have seen.

In our human journey today, a pervasive belief is emerging: if a relationship causes discomfort, it is abusive; if someone disappoints you, they are toxic; and if your parents fail to meet your emotional needs perfectly, you are justified in cutting them out of your life entirely. This notion is not only false but also destructive. Human relationships, within families, school, work, and even church are inherently complex and imperfect. Conflict is not evidence of abuse; it is evidence of relationship. That bears repeating! CONFLICT is not evidence of abuse: it is evidence of relationship.

The Fantasy of the Mind-Reading Person

Many people today carry an unspoken expectation that the other people in their lives should instinctively know the right thing to say, at the right moment, with the right emotional tone, forever. This is not emotional intelligence folks; it is fantasy. People who are not therapists or circus mind readers are individuals who are navigating their own challenges. Demanding perfection from them—and then severing ties when they fall short—is not empowerment; it is relational absolutism.

The Confusion Between Discomfort and Abuse

True abuse exists, it does, and those of us that are caregivers know how devastating it can be. However, that does not always make disagreement, criticism, awkwardness, unsolicited advice, generational differences, and emotional clumsiness abuse. They are the normal friction of human closeness. Mistaking discomfort for danger leads to a collapse in tolerance for relational discomfort, undermining the resilience that families, schools, work and even churches need to thrive.

In today’s human journey, there seems to be a noticeable shift in how we handle relationships, often leading to misunderstandings and missed opportunities for growth. Many individuals now avoid conflict altogether, fearing it will harm their relationships. This avoidance can result in unresolved issues, suppressed emotions, and a lack of emotional intimacy. Instead of addressing discomfort, it’s often mistaken for danger, leading to withdrawal rather than open communication. Additionally, there’s a trend of using therapeutic language without fully understanding its depth, which can dilute its effectiveness and set you up for failure. (healthline.com) To be clear, with all my training, we are told repeatedly that we are not therapists and when real abuse is present to refer out to a person that can deal with it in the right way.

Where has this cultural overcorrection come from and can we see the significant consequences? By avoiding conflict, individuals miss the chance to develop emotional literacy and conflict resolution skills. Josh Freedman of the 6 Seconds the Emotional Intelligence Network, often liked to say, “Healthy relationships require the ability to navigate disagreements constructively, not to evade them”.

When discomfort is equated with danger, and boundaries are confused with withdrawal, relationships can become shallow and unfulfilling. It’s essential to recognize that conflict, when managed properly, can strengthen bonds and lead to personal and relational growth. (healthline.com)

This cultural shift is not a conspiracy; it is an overcorrection. And overcorrections always swing back.

As an example, when families default to cutting off members during conflicts, the repercussions extend far beyond the immediate dispute. Such separations can lead to fractured family units, with grandparents becoming estranged from their grandchildren, resulting in the loss of valuable wisdom and experiences. This breakdown often fosters increased loneliness among individuals and erodes the social trust that binds communities together. As reconciliation becomes less common, accountability diminishes, and the opportunity for personal and relational growth through conflict resolution is lost.

To give a personal example, one of my children has cut me off, out of their life. They say that I hurt them. I may have, I just don’t know what it is that I have done, so it is hard to reconcile, and the pain of separation goes on.

The rise of a “cut them off” culture signifies a profound shift in how we perceive and manage familial relationships at home and everywhere else. While setting healthy boundaries is essential, resorting to complete severance can have detrimental effects on both individuals and society. It’s crucial to recognize that conflict, when addressed constructively, can strengthen bonds and lead to personal growth. By fostering open communication and understanding, relationships can navigate disagreements without resorting to permanent estrangement, thereby preserving the integrity and resilience of all familial connections.

Most tragically, people lose the opportunity to grow through relationships rather than flee from them. A society cannot survive if every disagreement is treated as grounds for exile.

That is not to say we should ignore establishing healthy boundaries which is essential for maintaining respectful and functional relationships. Such boundaries involve clearly communicating personal needs and limits to ensure mutual respect and understanding. For example, expressing a need for respectful communication, setting topics that are off-limits, or requesting personal space are all indicative of healthy boundaries. These actions help define acceptable behaviors and protect individual well-being within the relationship.

Conversely, unhealthy boundaries can manifest as extreme reactions that sever connections rather than regulate them. Statements like “You are dead to me,” “You’ll never see your grandchildren again,” or labeling someone as “toxic” for causing discomfort are not boundary-setting; they are forms of relational annihilation. Such responses can lead to emotional harm and the breakdown of relationships. It’s crucial to distinguish between setting healthy boundaries and resorting to punitive measures that harm the relational fabric.

The Quiet Truth No One Wants to Admit

Most relationships are not abusive; they are imperfect. Most people are not narcissists; they are human. Most conflicts are not trauma; they are communication failures. And most estrangements, if examined honestly, contain pain on both sides—not villains and victims.

Civilizations that endure are grounded in principles such as forgiveness, endurance, humility, and intergenerational connection. These values foster strong familial bonds and societal cohesion. However, when these foundational elements are supplanted by hyper-individualism, emotional absolutism, and moral superiority, the fabric of society begins to unravel. Hyper-individualism, which emphasizes personal autonomy and self-interest, can erode community bonds and collective responsibility, leading to social fragmentation and isolation.

This shift towards individualism often results in weakened people structures, as traditional support systems diminish and individuals prioritize personal goals over communal well-being. The decline in familial support networks contributes to increased loneliness and a diminished sense of belonging. As people fail to provide the necessary support and connection for each other, societies at large are affected, leading to a breakdown in social trust and a decline in overall societal resilience. Therefore, the erosion of these core values within families and outside can precipitate broader societal challenges, underscoring the critical importance of nurturing these principles to maintain a cohesive and enduring civilization.

Lastly, love is not the absence of conflict. Love is the decision to stay present when conflict arises. Growth does not come from perfect conditions. It comes from learning how to live with imperfect people—including our parents, our children, our friends, our co-workers and ourselves. If we forget that, we don’t become healthier; we become alone.

Three Areas of Help

  1. Developing Healthy Boundaries

Establishing clear and respectful boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy people relationships. Boundaries help protect personal space and emotional well-being, allowing individuals to express their needs and expectations without fear of judgment or retaliation. For instance, setting limits on personal time or defining acceptable behaviors can prevent misunderstandings and reduce conflicts. Open communication about these boundaries fosters mutual respect and understanding among people.

  1. Enhancing Conflict Resolution Skills

Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, but how it is managed determines the health of the relationship. Developing effective conflict resolution skills involves active listening, empathy, and the ability to find common ground. Approaching disagreements with a problem-solving mindset rather than a confrontational one can lead to constructive outcomes. Seeking professional guidance, such as therapy, coaching or spiritual direction can provide tools and strategies to navigate conflicts healthily.

  1. Building People Resilience

Resilience is the ability to adapt and thrive in the face of adversity. People can build resilience by fostering strong emotional connections, maintaining open lines of communication, and supporting each other through challenges. Engaging in shared activities, expressing appreciation, and creating a supportive environment contribute to a people’s overall resilience. Resilient people are better equipped to handle stressors and maintain cohesion during difficult times.

Thank you for reading and I wonder if you have thoughts you would like to share in comments.

Also, there are many other blog posts at spiritofeq.com/blog.

 

Bowen, M. (1978). Family therapy in clinical practice. Jason Aronson.

Boss, P. (2006). Loss, trauma, and resilience: Therapeutic work with ambiguous loss. W. W. Norton & Company.

Haidt, J. (2012). The righteous mind: Why good people are divided by politics and religion. Pantheon Books.

What happens When Intellectual Answers Fall Short

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With all that is happening in today’s world, leaders frequently encounter situations where traditional intellectual processes fail to provide clear answers. In these moments, the ability to draw upon emotional and spiritual intelligence becomes paramount. These areas of spiritual and emotional intelligence are not always thought about in a society that values the cognitive process. I thought I would use this blog post to explore four key strategies that leaders can employ to navigate uncertainty effectively, while fostering resilience and innovation within their teams coming into the new year

  1. Embrace Deep Reflection and Strategic Thinking

When faced with ambiguity, leaders should first engage in deep reflection instead of reaction. This involves stepping back from the immediate pressures of decision-making to consider the broader context and implications of the situation. Leaders can ask themselves critical questions: What are the underlying values guiding my decisions? How do I want to lead my team through this uncertainty? What are my values and how they align with the company’s mission? When I co-owned Varment Guard I must admit with some chagrin that I was highly reactive in the beginning of the company. I would get angry at the drop of a hat if things were not going well and I did not notice the damage I was doing to my partners and employees. Just because I was CEO did not mean I could abuse people with anger.

Strategic thinking in this context means not just analyzing data but also considering the emotional and spiritual dimensions of the challenge. Leaders can benefit from practices such as journaling, meditation, or quiet contemplation, which allow them to process their thoughts and feelings. By doing so, they can gain clarity on their values and priorities, which will guide their actions moving forward.

Actionable Tip:

Setting aside regular time for reflection is a vital practice for personal and professional growth, particularly in leadership roles. You will never be able to process emotional thoughts and feelings when you are under pressure. By engaging in activities such as journaling or meditation which provides a structured opportunity to delve into your thoughts and feelings regarding current challenges you may be facing. This dedicated time allows you to step back from the hustle and bustle of daily responsibilities, creating a space where you can thoughtfully analyze your experiences and reactions. By exploring your emotions and thought processes, you gain a deeper understanding of your leadership approach, identifying areas of strength and opportunities for improvement. This reflective practice not only enhances self-awareness but also fosters resilience, enabling you to navigate challenges with greater clarity and confidence. Ultimately, making reflection a regular part of your routine can lead to more informed decision-making and a more authentic leadership style. And for me, Jim, I started centering prayer 30 plus years ago to find my center.

  1. Foster a Culture of Empathy and Open Dialogue

A leader with high emotional intelligence recognizes the importance of empathy in times of uncertainty. When intellectual answers are lacking, fostering a culture of open dialogue becomes essential. Leaders should encourage team members to share their thoughts, feelings, and concerns, creating a safe space for discussion.

By actively listening to their team, leaders can gain diverse perspectives that may lead to innovative solutions. This collaborative approach not only enhances problem-solving but also strengthens team cohesion. When team members feel heard and valued, they are more likely to contribute creatively and remain engaged, even in challenging circumstances. And again, I missed the boat with this valuable thought by taking the view “people would think I was weak if I did not have a tough exterior” how wrong I was.

Actionable Tip:

To foster a collaborative and supportive work environment, it is essential to implement regular check-ins or team meetings that prioritize open dialogue among team members. These meetings should be structured to encourage everyone to share their thoughts, feelings, and insights regarding ongoing projects and any challenges they may be facing. By creating a safe space for discussion, team members will feel more comfortable voicing their opinions and concerns, which can lead to innovative solutions and improved team dynamics. And here is the thing, you will not agree with everything suggested, it’s OK, try some of the suggestions you may be surprised. Additionally, actively soliciting input from all participants ensures that everyone has a voice in the conversation, promoting inclusivity and a sense of belonging within the team. This practice not only enhances communication but also strengthens relationships, ultimately contributing to a more engaged and productive workforce.

  1. Prioritize Adaptability and Resilience

In uncertain times, adaptability and resilience are crucial traits for effective leadership. Leaders must be willing to pivot their strategies and approaches as new information emerges. This requires a mindset that embraces change rather than fearing it.

Resilience involves not only bouncing back from setbacks but also learning from them. Leaders can model resilience by sharing their own experiences of overcoming challenges, demonstrating that failure is often a steppingstone to success. By cultivating a resilient mindset within their teams, leaders can inspire confidence and encourage a proactive approach to problem-solving. In 2008 when the housing bubble burst, we lost 50% of our residential accounts in 3 months. I knew that the company was watching to see if I put on the life vest. To be honest I was scared to death of even the next day, but I dove in and with one day at a time thinking we survived after two years of hard work by everyone and became stronger because of it.

Actionable Tip:

Encouraging a growth mindset within your team is essential for fostering a culture of continuous improvement and resilience, and it begins with an emotional connection to both successes and failures. Celebrating achievements, no matter how small, not only boosts morale but also instills a sense of pride and belonging among team members. When individuals feel recognized for their hard work, it reinforces their commitment and motivates them to strive for excellence. On the other hand, acknowledging setbacks with empathy and understanding transforms failures into valuable learning experiences. By framing these moments as opportunities for growth, you create a safe space where team members can reflect on their challenges without fear of judgment. This emotional support encourages them to embrace risks and explore new ideas, knowing that their contributions are valued. When team members feel emotionally secure and supported, they are more likely to engage creatively and push the boundaries of what is possible. Ultimately, fostering a growth mindset leads to a more connected, adaptive, and high-performing team, where every member feels empowered to learn and innovate together. Did you know that Mike Gerber in his book the E-myth says that leaders only make 60% right decisions? And must learn from the mistakes.

  1. Tune into the Emotional Landscape of the Team

Understanding the emotional landscape of the team is vital for effective leadership, especially when intellectual answers are elusive. Leaders should be attuned to the feelings and dynamics within their team, recognizing that emotions can significantly impact performance and morale.

By checking in with team members and observing non-verbal cues, leaders can gauge the emotional climate and address any concerns proactively. This might involve providing support, resources, or simply a listening ear. When leaders demonstrate empathy and understanding, they create a sense of psychological safety that empowers team members to take risks and explore new ideas.

This is important because we humans only get 7% of our communication with each other by the spoken word.

Actionable Tip:

In any fast-paced environment, it is essential to cultivate a culture that values not only productivity but also the emotional and spiritual well-being of each team member. By making it a habit to regularly check in with colleagues on both personal and professional levels, we create a space where individuals feel seen and heard. Asking open-ended questions about their well-being and how they are navigating current challenges fosters a sense of connection and support. We must do this because we do not know what someone else is feeling. And this practice reinforces the idea that emotional health is not just a personal journey but a collective responsibility, reminding us that when we nurture our spirits and care for one another, we can build a more resilient and harmonious workplace. In this way, we honor the interconnectedness of our experiences and the profound impact that empathy and understanding can have on our shared success.

In closing,

From my personal experience, I’ve come to realize that when intellectual processes fall short, it’s often in those moments that I can truly harness my emotional and spiritual intelligence as a leader. Embracing deep reflection has allowed me to connect more authentically with teams I have led, fostering a culture of empathy that encourages open communication and understanding. I’ve learned the importance of prioritizing adaptability, recognizing that flexibility is key in navigating the unpredictable nature of our work. By tuning into the emotional landscape of a team, I find that I can lead with confidence and grace, even in the face of uncertainty. This holistic approach not only strengthens our collective resilience but also deepens our connections, making us more effective as a unit.

These strategies not only enhance decision-making but also inspire teams to collaborate and innovate in the face of challenges. Ultimately, effective leadership in uncertain times is about more than just finding answers; it’s about creating an environment where everyone feels empowered to contribute to the solution. By employing these approaches, leaders can transform uncertainty into an opportunity for growth and connection, paving the way for a more resilient and engaged team.

Embracing the Dark Night

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I thought I would continue the dark night concept for one more post and talk about the journey of life, where we often encounter moments that challenge our understanding of joy, meaning, and purpose. These moments can be likened to a “Dark Night,” a term that spiritual director Therese DesCamp uses to describe periods of profound struggle and introspection. She says that during these times, we may feel a loss of meaning, joy, and certainty, accompanied by doubt and self-doubt. Yet, as DesCamp poignantly illustrates, even in the depths of despair, there exists a flicker of light—a desire to take care of ourselves, to serve others and a capacity for compassion that can emerge from our darkest experiences.

This concept of the dark night is not new; it has been explored by mystics and spiritual leaders throughout history. When we are in our heads and nothing makes sense, just maybe the reason is not intellectual. It could represent a phase where an individual is grappling with their beliefs, confronting their fears, and often feel isolated from the divine or their sense of self. DesCamp acknowledges that during these times, feelings of sorrow and confusion can be overwhelming. However, she also emphasizes that the dark night is not merely a period of suffering; it is a transformative experience that can lead to deeper connections with others.

DesCamp’s reflections remind us that while we may feel lost, we are not alone in our struggles. The dark night can serve as a catalyst for growth, pushing us to look beyond ourselves and recognize the shared human experience of suffering. It is in this recognition that we can begin to cultivate compassion—not just for others, but for ourselves as well.

One of the most striking aspects of DesCamp’s experience during her dark night is her ability to find humor in life. Laughter, even in the face of adversity, can be a powerful tool for healing. It allows us to take ourselves lightly, to step back from the weight of our struggles, and to find joy in the absurdities of life. This ability to laugh, especially at ourselves, can serve as a reminder that we are all imperfect beings navigating a complex world.

That reminds me of a work trip Lynette, and I had taken to Italy, and we had parked our car for lunch in the square of a small town, with lots of people around. When we came back out from lunch there were no people in sight and our car had been broken into with everything stolen, including my passport. Lynette and I looked over the roof of the car and started laughing, because the truth is it was absurd.

Humor can act as a bridge, connecting us to others and reminding us that we share common experiences. When we laugh, we create moments of levity that can break through the heaviness of our circumstances. DesCamp’s insight encourages us to seek out these moments of joy, even when they seem elusive. By embracing laughter, we can foster resilience and maintain a sense of hope amidst the darkness.

Perhaps the most profound realization that emerges from DesCamp’s reflections is the idea that the dark night can enhance our capacity for compassion. In times of personal struggle, we often become more attuned to the suffering of others. The pain we experience can deepen our empathy, allowing us to connect with those around us on a more profound level. DesCamp notes that caring for others can sometimes be the only relief from our own suffering, highlighting the interconnectedness of our experiences.

When we work hard to shift our focus away from our own ego and towards the needs of others, we can find purpose and meaning even in the darkest of times. This shift in perspective can be transformative, as it allows us to transcend our individual struggles and engage with the world in a more meaningful way. By extending compassion to others, we not only alleviate their suffering but also create a sense of community and belonging that can be incredibly healing.

DesCamp’s journey through the dark night has led her to a profound awareness of the preciousness of all life. In moments of despair, we may lose sight of the beauty that exists around us. However, the dark night can heighten our appreciation for the simple joys and connections that make life meaningful. It reminds us that even in our darkest moments, there loves to be found.

This awareness can inspire us to cultivate gratitude for the relationships we have and the experiences we share with others. It encourages us to recognize the inherent value in every individual and to approach life with a sense of reverence. By embracing the preciousness of life, we can transform our suffering into a source of strength and resilience.

As we navigate our own dark nights, it is essential to remember that these experiences are not permanent. They are phases of our journey that can lead to greater self-awareness and connection. DesCamp’s insights remind us that even when we feel lost, we have the capacity to serve, to love, and to find joy amid sorrow.

In practical terms, how can we embrace the lessons of the dark night? I have been thinking of a few suggestions from my own times in the “Dark Night”.

Practice Self-Compassion: Acknowledge your struggles without judgment. Hard to do right? Allow yourself to feel the emotions that arise during difficult times and treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend.

Seek Connection: Reach out to others who may be experiencing their own dark nights. Share your experiences, listen to their stories, and offer support. Building a community of understanding can be incredibly healing.

Embrace Humor: Look for moments of levity in your life. (remember Italy) Find joy in the small things, and don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself. Humor can be a powerful antidote to despair.

Cultivate Gratitude: Take time each day to reflect on the things you are grateful for. This practice can help shift your focus from what is lacking to the abundance that exists in your life.

Engage in Service: Find ways to serve others, whether through volunteering, offering a listening ear, or simply being present for someone in need. Acts of kindness can create a sense of purpose and connection.

Tying all this together we can look at Therese DesCamp’s reflections on the dark night to offer a profound perspective on the human experience. While these periods of struggle can be challenging, they also provide opportunities for growth, connection, and compassion. By embracing the lessons of the dark night, we can emerge with a deeper understanding of ourselves and a greater capacity to love and serve others. I think I also need to make a point here about serving others, sometimes that means your own family, people at work, and so forth and not the stranger. In the end, it is through our shared experiences of suffering and joy that we find the light that guides us through the darkness.

Therese DesCamp, Hands Like Roots: Notes on an Entangled Contemplative Life (Santos Books, 2025), 108.

Seven Decades, A Journey of Learning and Sharing

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Today, I thought I would take a moment to talk about myself, a topic I don’t often delve into with much depth. As I sit here, fingers poised over the keyboard, I find myself reflecting on the reasons why people write blogs. Is it to share knowledge, to connect with others, or perhaps to leave a small mark on the world? Truthfully, I wonder if my reasons are much different from those behind the wonderfully written blogs that populate the vast expanse of the internet. So here it is, a glimpse into my journey and the motivations that drive me to write.

In my seven decades of life, I’ve learned a few things. Most of these lessons have come from the mistakes I’ve made—those missteps I vowed never to repeat, only to find myself stumbling over them once more. It’s a humbling experience, realizing that despite our best intentions, we are all fallible. Yet, it’s through these very mistakes that I’ve grown, each one a steppingstone on the path of self-discovery.

This quest for understanding led me to seek out numerous trainings, each one a beacon of hope in my search for answers. I became a spiritual director and companion, a Master Certified Coach (MCC), a Narrative Enneagram teacher, and an emotional intelligence coach with Six Seconds, among other roles. Each title represents a chapter in my journey, a testament to my insatiable curiosity and desire to understand the human experience.

At the end of the day, what truly matters to me is working with other people. But let me be clear—it’s not because I believe I have all the answers. Far from it. Rather, I hope that, for some, I can be a light that illuminates their path, even if just a little. It’s a privilege to walk alongside others as they navigate their own journeys, offering support and guidance where I can.

The purpose of this blog, then, is to explore the issues that affect our society, to write about the things that impact us as a community. My hope is to offer insights, hope, or simply information that might resonate with someone out there. In a world that often feels fragmented and disconnected, perhaps these words can serve as a small bridge, connecting us through our shared experiences and understanding.

As I reflect on my life, I am reminded of the importance of community. We are, after all, social creatures, wired for connection. It’s in our interactions with others that we find meaning and purpose. Whether it’s a conversation with a friend, a shared moment with a stranger, or the simple act of listening, these connections end up being the threads that weave the fabric of our lives.

In my work as a spiritual director and coach, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing the resilience and strength of the human spirit. I’ve seen people overcome incredible odds, find healing in the face of deep wounds, and discover joy in the most unexpected places. These experiences have taught me that, no matter how dark the night, (dark night of the soul) there is always a glimmer of hope on the horizon.

One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned is the power of vulnerability. It’s in our willingness to be open and honest, to share our struggles and fears, that we find true connection. It’s a lesson I’ve had to learn time and again, as I navigate my own vulnerabilities and insecurities. But each time I choose to be vulnerable, I am reminded of the strength that lies in authenticity.

As I write this, I am filled with gratitude for the journey that has brought me here. It’s been a winding road, full of unexpected twists and turns, but each step has been a valuable part of my story. And while I may not have all the answers, I am committed to continuing this journey of learning and growth, both for myself and for those I have the privilege of working with.

I want to thank you for taking the time to read these words. Whether you’re a fellow seeker on this journey of life, or simply someone looking for a moment of connection, I hope you’ve found something here that resonates with you. As we navigate the complexities of our world, may we continue to seek understanding, to offer kindness, and to hold onto hope. After all, it’s in these small acts that we find the true essence of what it means to be human.

And since you joined me on this reflective journey today. I wonder If these words have resonated with you, and if so, I invite you to become part of this ongoing conversation. Share your thoughts, experiences, or questions in the comments below. Let’s build a community where we can learn from each other, support one another, and shine a light on the paths we walk together. If you know someone who might find value in these reflections, please share this blog with them. Together, we can create a ripple of connection and understanding in our world. Subscribe to stay updated on future posts, www.spiritofeq.com/blog and let’s continue this journey of growth and discovery side by side.