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When will the least go first?

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If I can be really, painfully honest for a minute, I’ve always been the type of person who believes in being first. As an “8” on the Enneagram with a 1:1 subtype, I have a personality that can be described as “large or go home.” This trait has shaped my life in many ways, often pushing me to the front of the line—whether it was for food, concert tickets, or training sessions. I was the one who would elbow my way through the crowd, determined to secure my spot at the front. But as I reflect on my past, I realize that this behavior was not just a quirk of my personality; it reflected something deeper within me.

Let me take you back to a summer concert years ago to see the MC5 out of Detroit. The excitement was in the air as fans gathered outside the venue, eagerly awaiting the gates to open. I had been looking forward to this concert for months, and I was determined to be at the front of the line. As I arrived, I noticed a group of people who had been waiting for hours, some even camping out overnight. But that didn’t matter to me. I pushed my way to the front, ignoring the annoyed glances from those who had been patiently waiting. I felt a rush as I secured my spot, but as the concert began, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. I knew in my heart that I had messed up.

As the music played and the crowd jammed, I looked around and saw the faces of those who had been waiting just as long, if not longer, than I had. I realized that my need to be first had come at the expense of others’ experiences. I had prioritized my own desire for front-row access over the feelings of those around me. It was a moment of clarity that left me feeling embarrassed and ashamed. Why did I feel the need to be first? Where did this belief come from?

This question rolled around in my mind long after the concert ended. I began to reflect on my life and the patterns that had emerged. Growing up, I was often praised for my assertiveness and determination. I was the one who took charge in group projects, the one who volunteered to lead discussions, and the one who always seemed to be at the forefront of any situation. But as I delved deeper, I realized that this drive to be first was rooted in a fear of being overlooked, discounted or left behind. It was as if I had internalized the belief that my worth was tied to my ability to be at the front of the line.

I decided that I needed to begin a  quest of self-discovery, I started on a mission to find out more, I needed to understand why I acted this way, so I sought out stories from others who had experienced similar feelings. I spoke with a friend who had once been a competitive athlete. She recounted the pressure she felt to always be the best, to always be first. “I remember a race where I pushed myself so hard that I didn’t even notice the girl who fell behind me,” she shared. “I crossed the finish line, but I felt hollow. I had won, but at what cost?” Her story resonated with me, highlighting the emptiness that can accompany a relentless pursuit of being first. And yes, I know, being an athlete means being the best, first and fastest. But does that entitle us to perform like an athlete off the field in everyday life at the expense of others?

Another friend shared her experience of being a manager in a corporate setting. “I used to think that being the first to speak up in meetings made me a leader,” she said. “But I realized that it often stifled others’ voices. I was so focused on being heard that I didn’t create space for my team to contribute.” Her journey of learning to step back and allow others to shine was a powerful reminder that leadership is not about being at the front but about uplifting those around us.

As I continued to explore these stories, it dawned on me that the need to be first is often a reflection of our insecurities. It’s easy to equate being first with success, but true fulfillment comes from connection and empathy. (refer to Jim Collins book “Good to Great” and what makes a level 5 leader) It made sense after deep reflection to practice being more mindful in situations where I felt the urge to rush to the front. I began to ask myself, “What would it look like to let someone else go first?”

One day, I found myself in line at a coffee shop, and I noticed a young mother with a toddler in tow. The child was fidgeting and clearly restless, and I felt the familiar urge to push ahead. But instead of acting on that impulse, I took a deep breath and let the mother and child go ahead of me. As they moved forward, I saw the relief on her face, and in that moment, I felt a sense of understanding that I had never experienced when I was at the front. It was a small act, but it shifted my perspective. I realized that being at the front of the line didn’t define my worth; it was the kindness I showed to others that truly mattered.

This journey of self-discovery has taught me that there is beauty in allowing others to take the lead. It’s about recognizing that everyone has their own story, their own struggles, and their own desires. When we prioritize being first, we risk missing out on the richness of human connection. I’ve learned that sometimes, the least among us deserve to be at the front of the line, not just because they’ve waited the longest, but because they have something valuable to share.

As I continue to navigate this path, I remind myself that it’s okay to step back and let others shine. I’ve found that true fulfillment comes from lifting others up rather than pushing them down. The next time I find myself in a situation where I feel the urge to be first, I’ll pause and ask myself, “How can I create space for someone else?”

In a world that often celebrates the loudest voices and the fastest runners, let’s not forget the importance of compassion and empathy. Let’s strive to be the kind of people who recognize that sometimes, and not always, the least among us deserve to be at the front of the line. After all, it’s not about being first; it’s about being present, being kind, and being human.

First Comes Justice, A call to action!

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First Comes Justice: A Call to Action

 

I heard this call last week and it has been haunting me. Do you know what the definition of Justice is? In today’s world Justice embodies fairness, equality, and accountability, ensuring that every individual is treated with dignity, regardless of their background. It goes beyond law enforcement to actively pursue social equity, addressing systemic targeting that marginalize certain people groups. In our rapidly changing global landscape, justice demands a commitment to human rights and the protection of the vulnerable. It calls for us as a collective society to challenge injustices that we see and create systems that empower all members of society. Ultimately, for all of us, justice fosters a world where everyone has the opportunity to live freely and access the resources they need to succeed.

To continue this thread, thinking about a world teetering on the edge of chaos and dis-order, the concept of justice stands as a beacon of hope and a call to action. Justice is not merely a legal term or a distant ideal; it is the very foundation upon which a compassionate society is built. It is the force that holds back the darkness, offering light to those who have been cast into the shadows. But who offers this justice? Who visits the poor and the sick? And more importantly, who are we as a society—those who love and act, or those who turn away, saying, “Not my problem”?

Justice is often personified by those who dedicate their lives to serving others. These are the individuals and organizations that step into the breach, filling the gaps left by systemic failures. They are the social workers, the healthcare providers, the educators, and the countless volunteers who work tirelessly to uplift the marginalized and the oppressed. They are the ones who visit the poor, offering not just material aid but also dignity and respect. They are the ones who visit the sick, providing care and comfort in times of need. And for me and a few others that I know, visiting the incarcerated in prisons across the country with a program called “Kairos“. Can I tell you a secret? There were times that I did not want to go through that gate, I was tired, I was sure that I was not making a difference, I knew there so many more people then me that could do it better. But, if not me, who?

These guardians of justice do not act out of obligation but out of a deep-seated belief in the inherent worth of every individual. They understand that justice is not a zero-sum game but a collective endeavor that benefits all. By lifting others, they lift society as a whole.

Injustice thrives in the shadows, feeding on ignorance and apathy. It is the darkness that creeps into the corners of our communities, whispering that some lives are worth less than others. But justice, when wielded with compassion and courage, holds back this darkness. It shines a light on inequality and demands accountability. It challenges the status quo and insists on change. I like to tell people when doing spiritual direction that those of us that are called to work with the least, the last and the lost are linking arms and holding back darkness while shining light in the darkest of dark corners of our society.

Justice is not passive; it is active and dynamic. It requires us to confront our uncomfortable truths and to take action, even when it is inconvenient or difficult. It calls us to be allies and advocates, to use our voices and our resources to support those who have been silenced and marginalized.

The measure of a society is how it treats its most vulnerable members. The poor and the sick are often the first to be forgotten, left to fend for themselves in a world that values wealth and health above all else. But justice demands that we do better. It calls us to visit the poor, to understand their struggles and to work towards solutions that address the root causes of poverty. And yes, the poor will always be with us. It calls us to visit the sick, to provide care and compassion, and to advocate for a healthcare system that is accessible and equitable for all.

Visiting the poor and the sick is not just an act of charity; it is an act of justice. It is a recognition of our shared humanity and a commitment to building a society that values every life.

In a world where the gaps in our social fabric are widening, we are called to be fillers of the breach. This is not a task for the faint of heart, and you may not be a person called to do this, but it is a task that is essential for the survival of our communities and frankly our world. Like some of you, Lynette and I have been honored to travel around the world, and guess what folks, other places has these problems as well. Because it requires us to step into the spaces where others have fallen short, to offer support and solutions where there are none.

Filling the breach means being proactive rather than reactive. It means anticipating the needs of our communities and working collaboratively to address them. It means being innovative and resourceful, finding new ways to support those who are struggling. Not by saying, Not my problem, but realizing that it is all of our problems.

Ultimately, the question of justice is a question of identity. Who are we as a society? Are we known by those who love, who act with compassion and courage? Or are we known by those who say, “Not my problem,” turning away from the suffering of others?

The answer lies in our actions. Justice is not a passive state; it is an active choice. It is a choice to stand up for what is right, to speak out against injustice, and to work towards a world where everyone has the opportunity to thrive.

This is a call to action for all of us. It is a call to be the guardians of justice, to hold back the darkness, and to visit the poor and the sick. It is a call to fill the breach, to be known by our love and our compassion.

We cannot afford to be complacent. The challenges we face are so very great, but so too is our capacity for change. Together, yes together we can build a society that is just and equitable, a society that values every life and leaves no one behind.

Let us answer the call. Let us be the ones who offer justice, who hold back the darkness, and who visit the poor and the sick. Let us be the fillers of the breach, known by our love and our commitment to a better world.

 

Justice is not an abstract concept; it is a tangible reality that we create through our actions. It is the foundation of a compassionate society, and it is up to us to build it. Let us rise to the challenge and answer the call to action. Together, we can make a difference. Together, we can bring justice to all.

Join us in our mission to create a more just and compassionate society. Volunteer with local organizations, advocate for policy changes, and support initiatives that uplift the marginalized. Together, we can make a difference!!!!!

First Comes Justice!

The Uncomfortable Truth of Racism: A Reflection Inspired by Mary Elizabeth Moore

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The Uncomfortable Truth of Racism: A Reflection Inspired by Mary Elizabeth Moore

In a world that often feels divided, the stories we share can serve as bridges to understanding and healing. Today, I want to introduce you to a remarkable woman Lynette and I met at the Academy for Spiritual Formation in Nebraska: Mary Elizabeth Moore. A master educator, prolific writer, and speaker, Mary Elizabeths’s work in religious education, process theology, and practical theology is deeply rooted in a commitment to repair the world. To explore the full depth of her contributions, you can visit her [bio here](https://www.biola.edu/talbot/ce20/database/mary-elizabeth-moore).

The real reason for this blog, however, is to delve into a powerful poem that Mary Elizabeth wrote, titled “I Confess.” This poem is not just a reflection of her personal experiences; it is a mirror held up to society, challenging us to confront the uncomfortable truths about racism and privilege.

I Confess

Growing up with Mary shaped me

As a person far more sensitive

Then I would have otherwise been,

A child who could love and giggle,

And dash quietly to bed

When my parents came home early.

 

My world taught me

that Mary’s Blackness

was less than my whiteness

though I always knew

she was better than me.

 

The racist structures

We enacted were strengthened

By my family’s participation

I did not condemn

Those structures with anything more

Then a few probing questions

For a few minutes at a time,

Even as I prayed every night,

“God bless Mama and Daddy

And Mary and me.”

 

White supremacy

Shaped me in my very own home,

Yet I whole-heartedly loved Mary

And was powerfully shaped by her love

And by the deep Black culture

She taught me to value

As if it were my own.

 

My white-privilege perspectives

Emerged in the same childhood

That taught me to critique them,

 

slowly, oh so slowly

In my youth, but bursting

Ever more boldly as I grew

 

though I have not

And never will

Be free of its taint.

This poem resonates deeply with me, as it evokes memories of my own upbringing in Detroit, where I witnessed firsthand the destructive power of hate and judgment. The raw honesty in Mary Elizabeth’s words forces us to confront the uncomfortable realities of our pasts and the systems that have shaped our identities.

Mary Elizabeth’s poem encapsulates the struggle of recognizing privilege while grappling with the love and relationships that exist within a racially charged environment. It highlights the paradox of loving someone from a marginalized community while simultaneously benefiting from a system that devalues their existence. This duality is a painful truth that many of us must face.

As I reflect on my own experiences, I am reminded of the countless times I have seen the impact of racism on families, individuals, and communities. The scars left by systemic oppression run deep, and they are often invisible to those who do not experience them. Mary Elizabeth’s poem serves as a reminder that acknowledging our privilege is not enough; we must actively work to dismantle the structures that perpetuate inequality.

The Journey Toward Understanding

Mary Elizabeth’s  journey of self-awareness and growth is a testament to the power of reflection and education. It is a reminder that the path toward understanding is often slow and filled with discomfort. As she writes, “Slowly, oh so slowly / In my youth, but bursting / Ever more boldly as I grew.” This gradual awakening is something many of us can relate to, as we navigate our own journeys of understanding and kinship.

The discomfort that arises from confronting our biases and the reality of racism is a necessary part of this journey. It is through this discomfort that we can begin to challenge our preconceived notions and work toward a more equitable society. Mary Elizabeth’s poem encourages us to engage in difficult conversations, to ask probing questions, and to seek out the stories of those who have been marginalized.

As we reflect on the themes presented in Mary Elizabeth’s poem, we must ask ourselves: What will it take to look at one another without the taint of prejudice? How can we actively participate in the repair of our world? The answers to these questions lie in our willingness to listen, learn, and engage with the experiences of others.

We must commit to educating ourselves about the history and impact of racism, both in our communities and beyond. This includes amplifying the voices of those who have been silenced and advocating for policies that promote equity and justice. It requires us to confront our own biases and to hold ourselves accountable for our actions.

Mary Elizabeth Moore’s work and her poignant poem serve as a powerful reminder of the importance of empathy, understanding, and action. To explore more of her insights and contributions, consider reading her book, which you can find here..

So Much to Love, So Much to Lose Paperback – September 18, 2023 

by Mary Elizabeth Moore (Author)

If I were to conclude here, you might think that because Mary Elizabeth’s poem describes a meaningful relationship with a person of color that this is my focus for this blog, it is not!  But in a world that often feels divided, we have the power to bridge the gaps through understanding and compassion. Mary Elizabeth’s poem, “I Confess,” challenges us to confront our own biases and to recognize the impact of racism towards all people groups in our lives. It is a call to action, urging us to engage in the difficult work of dismantling systemic oppression and fostering a more inclusive society. And folks, you do not have to agree with other people groups to get along with them. Right?

Can we move forward, carrying the lessons from Mary Elizabeth’s experiences and the truths revealed in her poem inside of us? Because together, we can create a world where love and understanding triumph over hate and division. By committing to being agents of change, and working tirelessly to repair the wounds of our past and build a brighter future for all ……

we can began to heal.

“Embracing Perspectives: Insights from Richard Rohr’s Conference”

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Lynette and I attended the Richard Rohr conference in NM and had some wonderful insights which I will be sharing over the next few weeks. Yes, Richard Rohr is deeply spiritual, presenting ideas in a way that resonates with many people. You don’t have to agree with someone to hear their wisdom.

Feeling like we live in a world that often feels divided, the ability to see things from another person’s perspective is a powerful tool. Some of the things I learned in the last week will follow in this post. It allows us to navigate our relationships with compassion and empathy, giving us understanding and connection rather than possible conflict. What would happen if we explored the importance of embracing different viewpoints, the benefits of not feeling the need to defend our own positions, and how this practice can lead to a more harmonious existence.

Understanding perspective at its core is seeing that perspective is the lens through which we view the world. Our world view, I learned about my world view from Cindy Wigglesworth, one of my greatest mentors, is shaped by our experiences, beliefs, and emotions. Each person’s perspective is unique, influenced by their upbringing, culture, and personal experiences.When we take the time to understand someone else’s viewpoint, we open ourselves up to a richer, more nuanced understanding of the world, which is often not threatening.

Imagine a conversation where two people hold opposing views on a contentious issue. Not that we have a lot of those going on in today’s world that we live in. Instead of immediately jumping to defend their own stance, these two people choose to listen actively to one another. This simple act of listening can transform the dialogue. It allows for a deeper exploration of the reasons behind each perspective, fostering an environment of respect and understanding. I will not kid you, it is very hard work to “listen” to another, and some of us give up trying before they get to understanding because it is just too hard.

The Importance of compassion is the ability to recognize the suffering of others and take action to help alleviate that suffering. When we approach conversations with compassion, we create a safe space for others to express their thoughts and feelings. This is particularly important in discussions that may be emotionally charged or sensitive.Did you know that humans are wired to want to help? It’s true! When we suppress that instinct, it creates dissonance within us.

By practicing compassion, we can acknowledge the validity of another person’s feelings, even if we do not agree with their conclusions. For instance, as an example I have a family member that is upset about a political issue, instead of dismissing their concerns, I try to validate their feelings by saying, “I can see why this is important to you.”  or something like this. I love this family member and I want to go as far as I can in building trust and rapport without losing myself in the process.

The role of empathy takes compassion a step further. It involves not only understanding another person’s feelings but also sharing in their emotional experience. When we empathize with someone, we put ourselves in their shoes, allowing us to feel what they feel. This connection can be incredibly powerful, and again let me say that you do not have to OWN what they are feeling, just by letting it wash over you, you get a sense that the journey is mutual.

I have a scenario where a colleague was struggling with a heavy workload. Instead of simply offering advice or solutions, I was able to empathize by saying, “I remember feeling overwhelmed in a similar situation. It can be really tough.”This shared experience can help the other person feel less isolated in their struggles and more supported in finding solutions.”

We want to know that we are not ALONE on this journey. Let me stop here and ask this question, “Are there times when you feel alone and no-one hears you?”

When you do this work, you find out it was one of the most significant barriers to understanding others is our instinct to defend our own positions. When we feel attacked or challenged, our natural response is often to become defensive. This defensiveness can shut down communication and create a hostile environment.This defensiveness can make it more challenging to reach the understanding we initially sought.

Do you really want to fight with friends and family to make your point prevail and be the loudest in the room?

However, when we consciously choose to let go of the need to defend our own views, we create space for open dialogue. This does not mean we abandon our beliefs; rather, we acknowledge that our perspective is just one of many. By doing so, we can engage in conversations without the pressure of needing to “win” or prove ourselves right.

The freedom of non-ownership is one of the most powerful aspects of seeing things from another person’s perspective and is the freedom that comes with not having to own their position. When we engage with someone else’s viewpoint, we can appreciate it without feeling the need to adopt it as our own. This allows for a more fluid exchange of ideas, where we can explore different perspectives without the weight of ownership.

As an example, in a discussion I had about climate change, I encountered someone who had a radically different approach to environmental issues than mine. Instead of feeling compelled to defend my beliefs or adopt theirs, we were simply able to listen and learn from each other.. This openness can lead to a more enriching conversation, where both parties leave with new insights and a deeper understanding of the many complexities involved. To be fair, as a spiritual director for many years and MCC with the International Coaching Federation, I have had years of training on these concepts and again I will say, “it is not easy to really listen”.

Building bridges through dialogue is a great approach to having conversations with compassion and empathy, we can build bridges rather than walls. This approach is critically important in today’s polarized society, where differing opinions can lead to animosity and division.  We want to create a culture of dialogue rather than debate where the outcomes might not be what you expect, remember my post on what happened in Detroit? NO one expected the outcome that we ended up with.

Engaging in respectful conversations allows us to explore the nuances of complex issues. It encourages us to ask questions, seek clarification, and genuinely understand where the other person is coming from. This process not only enriches our own understanding but also helps to humanize the other person, reminding us that behind every opinion is a person with their own story. Here is the main point, When we OWN a conversation or viewpoint many times the other person is not a person to us.

These Practical Steps to Embrace Perspective-Taking ……..

1. Practice Active Listening: Focus on truly hearing what the other person is saying. Avoid interrupting or formulating your response while they speak. Instead, listen with the intent to understand.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage the other person to share more about their perspective by asking questions that invite elaboration. For example, “What experiences have shaped your view on this issue?”

3. Reflect Back: After the other person has shared their thoughts, reflect back what you’ve heard. This shows that you are engaged and helps clarify any misunderstandings.This also helps to defuse any building anger.

4. Acknowledge Emotions: Recognize and validate the emotions behind the other person’s perspective. A simple acknowledgment can go a long way in fostering connection. And folks, it is ok to have emotions about subjects you care about, but understand those emotions goes a long way.

5. Be Open to Learning: Approach conversations with a mindset of curiosity. Be willing to learn from the other person’s experiences and insights, even if they challenge your own beliefs.

The ability to see things from another person’s perspective is a gift that can transform our interactions and relationships. By embracing compassion and empathy, we create a space for understanding and connection. Letting go of defensiveness and the need to own another person’s position allows for richer, more meaningful conversations.

In a world that feels so divided right now, the practice of perspective-taking can be a powerful antidote. It reminds us that we are all human, navigating our own journeys, and that understanding one another is the first step toward building a more compassionate and empathetic society. So, let us strive to listen, learn, and connect, one conversation at a time. At this point I would like to ask you to reflect on your own experiences with empathy and perspective-taking and if it make sense to post in comments to help others with their journey.