Lynette and I attended the Richard Rohr conference in NM and had some wonderful insights which I will be sharing over the next few weeks. Yes, Richard Rohr is deeply spiritual, presenting ideas in a way that resonates with many people. You don’t have to agree with someone to hear their wisdom.

Feeling like we live in a world that often feels divided, the ability to see things from another person’s perspective is a powerful tool. Some of the things I learned in the last week will follow in this post. It allows us to navigate our relationships with compassion and empathy, giving us understanding and connection rather than possible conflict. What would happen if we explored the importance of embracing different viewpoints, the benefits of not feeling the need to defend our own positions, and how this practice can lead to a more harmonious existence.

Understanding perspective at its core is seeing that perspective is the lens through which we view the world. Our world view, I learned about my world view from Cindy Wigglesworth, one of my greatest mentors, is shaped by our experiences, beliefs, and emotions. Each person’s perspective is unique, influenced by their upbringing, culture, and personal experiences.When we take the time to understand someone else’s viewpoint, we open ourselves up to a richer, more nuanced understanding of the world, which is often not threatening.

Imagine a conversation where two people hold opposing views on a contentious issue. Not that we have a lot of those going on in today’s world that we live in. Instead of immediately jumping to defend their own stance, these two people choose to listen actively to one another. This simple act of listening can transform the dialogue. It allows for a deeper exploration of the reasons behind each perspective, fostering an environment of respect and understanding. I will not kid you, it is very hard work to “listen” to another, and some of us give up trying before they get to understanding because it is just too hard.

The Importance of compassion is the ability to recognize the suffering of others and take action to help alleviate that suffering. When we approach conversations with compassion, we create a safe space for others to express their thoughts and feelings. This is particularly important in discussions that may be emotionally charged or sensitive.Did you know that humans are wired to want to help? It’s true! When we suppress that instinct, it creates dissonance within us.

By practicing compassion, we can acknowledge the validity of another person’s feelings, even if we do not agree with their conclusions. For instance, as an example I have a family member that is upset about a political issue, instead of dismissing their concerns, I try to validate their feelings by saying, “I can see why this is important to you.”  or something like this. I love this family member and I want to go as far as I can in building trust and rapport without losing myself in the process.

The role of empathy takes compassion a step further. It involves not only understanding another person’s feelings but also sharing in their emotional experience. When we empathize with someone, we put ourselves in their shoes, allowing us to feel what they feel. This connection can be incredibly powerful, and again let me say that you do not have to OWN what they are feeling, just by letting it wash over you, you get a sense that the journey is mutual.

I have a scenario where a colleague was struggling with a heavy workload. Instead of simply offering advice or solutions, I was able to empathize by saying, “I remember feeling overwhelmed in a similar situation. It can be really tough.”This shared experience can help the other person feel less isolated in their struggles and more supported in finding solutions.”

We want to know that we are not ALONE on this journey. Let me stop here and ask this question, “Are there times when you feel alone and no-one hears you?”

When you do this work, you find out it was one of the most significant barriers to understanding others is our instinct to defend our own positions. When we feel attacked or challenged, our natural response is often to become defensive. This defensiveness can shut down communication and create a hostile environment.This defensiveness can make it more challenging to reach the understanding we initially sought.

Do you really want to fight with friends and family to make your point prevail and be the loudest in the room?

However, when we consciously choose to let go of the need to defend our own views, we create space for open dialogue. This does not mean we abandon our beliefs; rather, we acknowledge that our perspective is just one of many. By doing so, we can engage in conversations without the pressure of needing to “win” or prove ourselves right.

The freedom of non-ownership is one of the most powerful aspects of seeing things from another person’s perspective and is the freedom that comes with not having to own their position. When we engage with someone else’s viewpoint, we can appreciate it without feeling the need to adopt it as our own. This allows for a more fluid exchange of ideas, where we can explore different perspectives without the weight of ownership.

As an example, in a discussion I had about climate change, I encountered someone who had a radically different approach to environmental issues than mine. Instead of feeling compelled to defend my beliefs or adopt theirs, we were simply able to listen and learn from each other.. This openness can lead to a more enriching conversation, where both parties leave with new insights and a deeper understanding of the many complexities involved. To be fair, as a spiritual director for many years and MCC with the International Coaching Federation, I have had years of training on these concepts and again I will say, “it is not easy to really listen”.

Building bridges through dialogue is a great approach to having conversations with compassion and empathy, we can build bridges rather than walls. This approach is critically important in today’s polarized society, where differing opinions can lead to animosity and division.  We want to create a culture of dialogue rather than debate where the outcomes might not be what you expect, remember my post on what happened in Detroit? NO one expected the outcome that we ended up with.

Engaging in respectful conversations allows us to explore the nuances of complex issues. It encourages us to ask questions, seek clarification, and genuinely understand where the other person is coming from. This process not only enriches our own understanding but also helps to humanize the other person, reminding us that behind every opinion is a person with their own story. Here is the main point, When we OWN a conversation or viewpoint many times the other person is not a person to us.

These Practical Steps to Embrace Perspective-Taking ……..

1. Practice Active Listening: Focus on truly hearing what the other person is saying. Avoid interrupting or formulating your response while they speak. Instead, listen with the intent to understand.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage the other person to share more about their perspective by asking questions that invite elaboration. For example, “What experiences have shaped your view on this issue?”

3. Reflect Back: After the other person has shared their thoughts, reflect back what you’ve heard. This shows that you are engaged and helps clarify any misunderstandings.This also helps to defuse any building anger.

4. Acknowledge Emotions: Recognize and validate the emotions behind the other person’s perspective. A simple acknowledgment can go a long way in fostering connection. And folks, it is ok to have emotions about subjects you care about, but understand those emotions goes a long way.

5. Be Open to Learning: Approach conversations with a mindset of curiosity. Be willing to learn from the other person’s experiences and insights, even if they challenge your own beliefs.

The ability to see things from another person’s perspective is a gift that can transform our interactions and relationships. By embracing compassion and empathy, we create a space for understanding and connection. Letting go of defensiveness and the need to own another person’s position allows for richer, more meaningful conversations.

In a world that feels so divided right now, the practice of perspective-taking can be a powerful antidote. It reminds us that we are all human, navigating our own journeys, and that understanding one another is the first step toward building a more compassionate and empathetic society. So, let us strive to listen, learn, and connect, one conversation at a time. At this point I would like to ask you to reflect on your own experiences with empathy and perspective-taking and if it make sense to post in comments to help others with their journey.