Richard Rohr’s, Order, Disorder and then Reorder

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The beautiful sun-drenched landscapes of New Mexico provided a fitting backdrop for the Richard Rohr Conference, a gathering that promised not just intellectual engagement but a journey into the depths of the human/spirit connection. As all of us settled into our seats, the air was buzzing with anticipation, a collective curiosity about the transformative insights that Father Richard Rohr and the rest of the faculty would share. Their teachings, deeply rooted in spirituality and personal growth, have long been a beacon for those seeking a deeper understanding of themselves and the world around them using what God has in store.

At the heart of the conference was a profound exploration of the spiritual journey through the stages of Order, Disorder, and Reorder. I frankly did not know that I have been going through this on a regular basis and Father Richard, with his characteristic warmth and wisdom, guided us/me through these stages, each representing a pivotal phase in our spiritual evolution. Then the faculty took it much deeper with revisioning our spiritual walk and what Christianity could mean. I have been on this journey a long time and those that know Lynette and I know that we continue to learn. It is not just a hobby but a passion to understand and then to use that information to help where we are called to help. Let’s start with Order.

The journey always begins with Order, a stage where we feel enveloped in a sense of innocence and safety. It’s a time when everything seems right with the world, this can happen at different times in our life, and we are cradled in the comforting arms of certainty. This “first naiveté” is a beautiful phase, where the world appears as a harmonious tapestry, and we are blissfully unaware of the complexities that lie beneath the surface. It’s a stage that not everyone experiences, but for those who do, it is a time of peace and simplicity. In this phase, our beliefs and values are often inherited from our families and communities, providing a framework that helps us make sense of the world. We find solace in the familiar routines and traditions that shape our daily lives. May I also say that those that have not experienced this phase are looking for it and what it means.

However, life, in its unpredictable nature, often propels us into the next stage: Disorder. I have lived a good deal of my life in this stage and those of you that have also lived here know exactly what I mean. This is where the real challenge begins. As Father Richard eloquently described, Disorder is the sacred, open space where we are led out of our comfort zones. It feels like suffering because it requires us to let go of the familiar, to release our grip on the structures and beliefs that once provided us with stability. In this stage, part of us must die if we are ever to grow larger. It’s a painful yet necessary process, akin to the metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly. The cocoon of Order must be shed for the wings of Reorder to emerge. This stage may even be called a rebirth.

Disorder can manifest in various forms—personal crises, loss, or profound disillusionment, even maybe our spiritual community. It is during these times that we are forced to confront the limitations of our previous understanding. The certainty that once anchored us begins to crumble, leaving us adrift in a sea of uncertainty. Yet, it is in this very uncertainty, this liminal space, (you need to click on the link for liminal space and not miss the meaning) that the seeds of transformation are sown. As we grapple with the chaos, we begin to question, to seek, and to explore new perspectives. This stage, though tumultuous, is a crucible for growth, urging us to expand our horizons and embrace the unknown.

As we navigate through the tumultuous waters of Disorder, we hopefully and eventually find ourselves at the threshold ofReorder. This stage is a revelation, a homecoming to our true selves. Here, we discover an inner authority, personal agency, a profound knowing that transcends logic and common sense. It’s a realization that everything is okay because God is present in every moment, no matter what happens. In Reorder, nothing needs to be excluded. We learn to live and work with all of it because, as Father Richard beautifully articulated, God can. For some unbelievable reason, everything belongs.

Reorder is not about returning to the simplicity of Order but about integrating the lessons learned during Disorder. It is a synthesis of the old and the new, a harmonious blend of past experiences and newfound wisdom. In this stage, we develop a deeper understanding of ourselves and our place in the world. We come to appreciate the interconnectedness of all things and recognize that every experience, whether joyful or painful, contributes to our growth. This stage invites us to live with authenticity and compassion, embracing the full spectrum of human experience. Can you think of a time that you have seen this happening in your own life?

This concept of “everything belongs” is both radical and liberating. It challenges us to embrace the entirety of our experiences, the joys and the sorrows, the successes and the failures. In doing so, we come to understand that every moment, every encounter, is imbued with divine significance. It’s a perspective that invites us to see the world through a lens of compassion, acceptance and love, to recognize the interconnectedness of all things. In future blogs I will be talking about duality and non-duality and that it means to us.

This amazing conference was more than just a series of lectures; it was an invitation to embark on a transformative journey. We all left with a renewed sense of purpose, inspired to embrace the stages of Order, Disorder, and Reorder and then “revision what could be” in a divine sense, with-in their own lives. Father Richard’s teachings and those of the faculty, resonated deeply, offering a roadmap for navigating the complexities of being human with grace and resilience and faith.

As the conference ended, the sun was coming to a position right above us shining a bright light the New Mexico landscape and our spirits. It was a fitting day filled with profound insights and spiritual awakening. The journey through Order, Disorder, and Reorder towards revisioning is not a linear path but a cyclical one, a continuous dance of growth and transformation. And as we left the conference, we carried with us the wisdom that everything belongs, a truth that will guide us on our journey long after the echoes of Father Richard’s and the faculty’s words have faded.

In reflecting on the conference, it becomes clear that these stages are not merely abstract concepts but lived experiences that shape our lives. They remind us of that growth often requires us to step into the unknown, to embrace the discomfort of change, and to trust in the unfolding of our journey. As we move through these stages, we are called to cultivate a spirit of openness and curiosity, to remain receptive to the lessons that each stage has to offer.

The teachings of the wisdom teachers, serve as a guiding light, illuminating the path toward a more integrated and authentic existence. They encourage us to embrace the paradoxes of life, to find beauty during chaos, and to trust in the divine presence that permeates every aspect of our being. In doing so, we come to realize that the journey itself is the destination, and that every step, no matter how challenging, is an integral part of our spiritual evolution.

In closing this blog for today, may we carry with us the wisdom of Order, Disorder, and Reorder, allowing it to inform and inspire our lives. May we find the courage to embrace the unknown, the resilience to navigate the challenges, and the grace to accept that everything belongs. In this way, we honor the teachings of all the wisdom teachers that have come before, while embarking on a path of transformation and renewal, guided by the light of love and wisdom.

“Embracing Perspectives: Insights from Richard Rohr’s Conference”

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Lynette and I attended the Richard Rohr conference in NM and had some wonderful insights which I will be sharing over the next few weeks. Yes, Richard Rohr is deeply spiritual, presenting ideas in a way that resonates with many people. You don’t have to agree with someone to hear their wisdom.

Feeling like we live in a world that often feels divided, the ability to see things from another person’s perspective is a powerful tool. Some of the things I learned in the last week will follow in this post. It allows us to navigate our relationships with compassion and empathy, giving us understanding and connection rather than possible conflict. What would happen if we explored the importance of embracing different viewpoints, the benefits of not feeling the need to defend our own positions, and how this practice can lead to a more harmonious existence.

Understanding perspective at its core is seeing that perspective is the lens through which we view the world. Our world view, I learned about my world view from Cindy Wigglesworth, one of my greatest mentors, is shaped by our experiences, beliefs, and emotions. Each person’s perspective is unique, influenced by their upbringing, culture, and personal experiences.When we take the time to understand someone else’s viewpoint, we open ourselves up to a richer, more nuanced understanding of the world, which is often not threatening.

Imagine a conversation where two people hold opposing views on a contentious issue. Not that we have a lot of those going on in today’s world that we live in. Instead of immediately jumping to defend their own stance, these two people choose to listen actively to one another. This simple act of listening can transform the dialogue. It allows for a deeper exploration of the reasons behind each perspective, fostering an environment of respect and understanding. I will not kid you, it is very hard work to “listen” to another, and some of us give up trying before they get to understanding because it is just too hard.

The Importance of compassion is the ability to recognize the suffering of others and take action to help alleviate that suffering. When we approach conversations with compassion, we create a safe space for others to express their thoughts and feelings. This is particularly important in discussions that may be emotionally charged or sensitive.Did you know that humans are wired to want to help? It’s true! When we suppress that instinct, it creates dissonance within us.

By practicing compassion, we can acknowledge the validity of another person’s feelings, even if we do not agree with their conclusions. For instance, as an example I have a family member that is upset about a political issue, instead of dismissing their concerns, I try to validate their feelings by saying, “I can see why this is important to you.”  or something like this. I love this family member and I want to go as far as I can in building trust and rapport without losing myself in the process.

The role of empathy takes compassion a step further. It involves not only understanding another person’s feelings but also sharing in their emotional experience. When we empathize with someone, we put ourselves in their shoes, allowing us to feel what they feel. This connection can be incredibly powerful, and again let me say that you do not have to OWN what they are feeling, just by letting it wash over you, you get a sense that the journey is mutual.

I have a scenario where a colleague was struggling with a heavy workload. Instead of simply offering advice or solutions, I was able to empathize by saying, “I remember feeling overwhelmed in a similar situation. It can be really tough.”This shared experience can help the other person feel less isolated in their struggles and more supported in finding solutions.”

We want to know that we are not ALONE on this journey. Let me stop here and ask this question, “Are there times when you feel alone and no-one hears you?”

When you do this work, you find out it was one of the most significant barriers to understanding others is our instinct to defend our own positions. When we feel attacked or challenged, our natural response is often to become defensive. This defensiveness can shut down communication and create a hostile environment.This defensiveness can make it more challenging to reach the understanding we initially sought.

Do you really want to fight with friends and family to make your point prevail and be the loudest in the room?

However, when we consciously choose to let go of the need to defend our own views, we create space for open dialogue. This does not mean we abandon our beliefs; rather, we acknowledge that our perspective is just one of many. By doing so, we can engage in conversations without the pressure of needing to “win” or prove ourselves right.

The freedom of non-ownership is one of the most powerful aspects of seeing things from another person’s perspective and is the freedom that comes with not having to own their position. When we engage with someone else’s viewpoint, we can appreciate it without feeling the need to adopt it as our own. This allows for a more fluid exchange of ideas, where we can explore different perspectives without the weight of ownership.

As an example, in a discussion I had about climate change, I encountered someone who had a radically different approach to environmental issues than mine. Instead of feeling compelled to defend my beliefs or adopt theirs, we were simply able to listen and learn from each other.. This openness can lead to a more enriching conversation, where both parties leave with new insights and a deeper understanding of the many complexities involved. To be fair, as a spiritual director for many years and MCC with the International Coaching Federation, I have had years of training on these concepts and again I will say, “it is not easy to really listen”.

Building bridges through dialogue is a great approach to having conversations with compassion and empathy, we can build bridges rather than walls. This approach is critically important in today’s polarized society, where differing opinions can lead to animosity and division.  We want to create a culture of dialogue rather than debate where the outcomes might not be what you expect, remember my post on what happened in Detroit? NO one expected the outcome that we ended up with.

Engaging in respectful conversations allows us to explore the nuances of complex issues. It encourages us to ask questions, seek clarification, and genuinely understand where the other person is coming from. This process not only enriches our own understanding but also helps to humanize the other person, reminding us that behind every opinion is a person with their own story. Here is the main point, When we OWN a conversation or viewpoint many times the other person is not a person to us.

These Practical Steps to Embrace Perspective-Taking ……..

1. Practice Active Listening: Focus on truly hearing what the other person is saying. Avoid interrupting or formulating your response while they speak. Instead, listen with the intent to understand.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage the other person to share more about their perspective by asking questions that invite elaboration. For example, “What experiences have shaped your view on this issue?”

3. Reflect Back: After the other person has shared their thoughts, reflect back what you’ve heard. This shows that you are engaged and helps clarify any misunderstandings.This also helps to defuse any building anger.

4. Acknowledge Emotions: Recognize and validate the emotions behind the other person’s perspective. A simple acknowledgment can go a long way in fostering connection. And folks, it is ok to have emotions about subjects you care about, but understand those emotions goes a long way.

5. Be Open to Learning: Approach conversations with a mindset of curiosity. Be willing to learn from the other person’s experiences and insights, even if they challenge your own beliefs.

The ability to see things from another person’s perspective is a gift that can transform our interactions and relationships. By embracing compassion and empathy, we create a space for understanding and connection. Letting go of defensiveness and the need to own another person’s position allows for richer, more meaningful conversations.

In a world that feels so divided right now, the practice of perspective-taking can be a powerful antidote. It reminds us that we are all human, navigating our own journeys, and that understanding one another is the first step toward building a more compassionate and empathetic society. So, let us strive to listen, learn, and connect, one conversation at a time. At this point I would like to ask you to reflect on your own experiences with empathy and perspective-taking and if it make sense to post in comments to help others with their journey.

The story of Jenny

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In the heart of a small community nestled between two major highways, there lived a people group bound by a rich tapestry of traditions. These traditions, passed down through generations, were the lifeblood of the community, shaping its identity and guiding its people. Among these people there lived a young woman named Jenny, whose journey too understanding and transformation of her inherited traditions would become a beacon of hope and change.

Jenny grew up listening to her grandmother’s stories, tales woven with the threads of history, culture, and wisdom. Her grandmother, Amma, was the community’s unofficial historian, a keeper of the past who believed deeply in the power of tradition. “Traditions are our treasures,” Amma would say, her eyes twinkling with the light of countless memories. “They carry the wisdom of our ancestors and the values that define us.”

As a child, Jenny embraced these traditions with the innocence and enthusiasm of youth. She participated in the annual community festival, danced in the city street celebrations, and learned the songs that echoed the struggles of her community. These activities were more than just fun; they were a way of life, a connection to something greater than herself.

However, as Jenny grew older, which often happens, she began to see the world through a different lens. She noticed the subtle ways in which some traditions, once life-giving, had become burdensome. The rigid roles assigned to women as an example, the exclusion of certain community members, and the resistance to change were aspects that troubled her. Jenny soon found herself at a crossroads, questioning the very fabric of the way she was raised and what it meant.

One evening, as the sun dipped below the horizon, painting the sky in hues of orange and pink, Jenny sat with Amma on the porch of their modest home. The air was filled with the scent of the flowers at the edge of the porch, and the distant sound of traffic signaling  the end of another long day. Jenny turned to her grandmother, her voice tinged with uncertainty thinking about the question she had on her mind.

“Amma, do you ever wonder if our traditions need to change?” she asked, her eyes searching for understanding and even meaning.

Amma paused, her gaze fixed on the horizon. “Change is a part of life, my dear,” she replied softly. “Even the strongest trees must bend with the wind. But change must come with wisdom and love, not with anger or haste.”

Jenny pondered her grandmother’s words, realizing that the path to change was not one of rebellion, but of thoughtful transformation. She understood that traditions, like the very community itself, were living entities, capable of growth and adaptation. The challenge lay in discerning which aspects to preserve and which to evolve.

This time of introspection cause a fire to start in her that wanted  to make a difference, so Jenny started on a journey of exploration and dialogue. She began by engaging with the elders of the community, listening to their stories and perspectives. She sought to understand the roots of each tradition, the values they embodied, and the reasons they had endured. Through these conversations, Jenny discovered that many people in the community shared her concerns but feared the loss of identity that change might bring.

To start these discussions, Jenny had to learn and then employ several tools that would help her navigate the complexities of tradition and change. One of the most effective tools was the “circle of dialogue“. She organized gatherings where community members could sit in a circle, fostering an atmosphere of equality and openness. In this setting, everyone had the opportunity to speak and be heard, creating a safe space for sharing thoughts and feelings.

Another tool Jenny found invaluable was the “storytelling method“. By inviting villagers to share their personal experiences related to traditions, she helped them connect emotionally to the issues at hand. This method not only illuminated the diverse perspectives within the community but also highlighted the common threads that bound them together. Through storytelling, Asha encouraged empathy and understanding, allowing members to see the impact of traditions on one another’s lives.

With patience and empathy, Jenny initiated community gatherings where members could openly discuss their hopes and fears. She encouraged a spirit of collaboration, inviting everyone to contribute their ideas for a more inclusive and harmonious future. Slowly, the community began to embrace the notion that traditions could evolve without losing their essence.

One of the first changes Jenny proposed was the inclusion of women in the community council, a role traditionally reserved for men. She argued that the wisdom and perspectives of women were invaluable assets that could enrich the community’s decision-making process. To support this initiative, Jenny organized “workshops” that focused on leadership skills and conflict resolution, empowering women to step into these roles with confidence. After much deliberation, the council agreed to a trial period, and the results were transformative. The inclusion of women brought fresh ideas and a renewed sense of unity, proving that change could indeed be life-giving.

Encouraged by this success, Jenny continued to advocate for other changes, such as the celebration of diversity within the community and the incorporation of sustainable practices in building small cottage businesses. She introduced the concept of the “community center”, where members could come together to grow their businesses while sharing knowledge about sustainable practices. This initiative not only fostered collaboration but also reinforced the idea that traditions could adapt to meet contemporary challenges.

Each step was met with big challenges, but Jenny’s unwavering commitment to non-violence and dialogue paved the way for progress. She understood that resistance to change often stemmed from fear, and she approached each conversation with compassion, seeking to address concerns rather than dismiss them.

As the years passed, the community blossomed into a vibrant oasis where tradition and innovation coexisted harmoniously. The annual community festival, once a symbol of division, became a celebration of unity, with members of all backgrounds coming together to share in the bounty of the hard work they had done.

Jenny’s journey was not without its struggles, but her dedication to non-violence and her belief in the power of dialogue had transformed her community. She had shown that traditions, like the people who uphold them, are capable of growth and change. Through her efforts, Jenny had not only honored the past but had also paved the way for a brighter, more inclusive future.

In the twilight of her life, Jenny sat on the same porch where she had once questioned her grandmother. The community, now a testament to the enduring power of love and understanding, thrived around her. As the sun set on another day, Jenny knew that the journey of tradition was never truly complete. It was a living, breathing entity, forever evolving, forever growing, and forever guided by the gentle hand of non-violence.

As she reflected on her personal journey, Jenny realized that the tools she had employed—dialogue circles, storytelling, workshops, and community initiatives—were not just methods for change; they were expressions of love and respect for her heritage. They allowed her to honor the past while embracing the future, ensuring that the treasures of tradition would continue to shine brightly for generations to come. In this way, Jenny had become a guardian of her culture, a bridge between the old and the new, and a testament to the power of non-violence in the face of change.

Finding Calm in Chaos

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Finding Calm in Chaos How Mindfulness Transforms Emotional Regulation

I really could imagine standing in the eye of a storm, because it has often happened to me, where everything around me was chaotic, and at times I felt out of control.  Yet with mindfulness I  remained calm and centered. This is a story about  the power of mindfulness in emotional regulation. Using myself as the subject and by integrating these simple practices into my daily life, I was able to transform how I  responded to the world around me and found a life more filled with joy and happiness.

Let’s start with the story of Sarah, a busy professional who once felt overwhelmed by her emotions and often acted impulsively without thought to the outcomes. She was juggling work deadlines, family responsibilities with her wonderful 3 kids and social commitments that left her feeling anxious and reactive. However, when she had no where else to turn she tried a simple mindfulness practice that a friend recommended to her, and everything changed almost overnight. When she went to the course put on by one of my favorite teachers, Jon Cabot Zinn, he taught her the basics of meditation, deep breathing exercises, and body awareness techniques. Sarah learned to regain control over her emotional responses. Her journey continues today with a deeper understanding of why we need tools to become free and illustrates the profound impact mindfulness can have on emotional intelligence.

When you have a regular mindfulness practice you are able to enhance emotional regulation.    Some effective mindfulness practices that can help you manage your emotions are listed here.

Meditation is a way to start and starting with just five minutes a day to center your thoughts. Find a quiet space, close your eyes, and focus on your breath. This simple practice can help clear your mind and set a positive tone for the day.

Deep Breathing helps in moments of stress, by reminding us to just breathe. Inhale slowly through your nose, hold for a few seconds, and exhale through your mouth. This technique can significantly reduce reactivity and bring a sense of calm. This type of breathing is called box breathing.

Body Awareness is how you tune into your physical sensations. Take a moment to notice how your body feels—are there areas of tension? Acknowledging these sensations can foster self-awareness and help you respond to emotions more thoughtfully.

One of my favorite things for creating a mindful environment is to picture yourself in a serene garden: each breath is a gentle breeze that calms your mind. This is the pure essence of mindfulness—a practice that brings peace amidst the world’s noise. If you want to cultivate this environment, consider incorporating elements that promote tranquility, such as plants, calming colors, or soothing sounds.

I have, like many of you, struggled with emotional reactivity. I could get mad or even jealous at the drop of a hat. It is not very attractive to others that I was close to, and frankly I lost friendships because of my non-regulation. When I had nothing else to lose and embraced mindfulness, it turned out to be a game-changer for me, helping me to navigate the hard challenges of life with grace and composure. I found that by practicing mindfulness regularly, I could respond to stressors with a clearer mind and a more balanced perspective.

I had to understand what it meant to “Engage with MY journey,” meaning what was going on inside of me. As an invitation, how do you currently manage stress? I invite you to share your experiences in the comments below. By doing this we can explore mindfulness together and support one another on this journey toward emotional regulation.

By weaving and embracing mindfulness into your daily routine, you will not only manage your emotional responses but also promote non-violent behavior. Why is this important? Because we don’t realize how often we do violence to ourselves with our responses to emotions. Start today, and experience the tranquility that mindfulness brings. Remember please, every small step counts on the path to emotional well-being.